What She Treasured

December 23, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I have to admit that often, especially around this time of year, the passage from Luke 2 tends to become habitual routine.

I hear it read and will mentally recite the words along with the speaker, allowing them to scatter to the far corners of my brain rather than collect in the center of my heart.

You know, where I could ponder them. Treasure them. Let them fully sink in as they were, and still are, intended.

As I heard the oh-so-familiar but no-less-beautiful account of the birth of my Savior recited once again last week, I was reminded of that girl.

You know, Mary.

Though her circumstances deemed her a woman by all accounts, she was a girl. A girl handed some things that I’m not sure anyone else on the planet would have handled so graciously or obediently.

And so I had to go back and read about her again.

Mary listened. She obeyed. She did those with a heart for her Father with complete trust. That amazes me.

But I also think about how she experienced so much that was completely out of the ordinary. Not only was she a virgin giving birth, but she gave birth to a King. How overwhelmed, awestruck, in disbelief, and inadequate…she must have felt sometimes.

Yet she cradled the King in her arms and continued her faithful obedience to the path God had planned for her.

And in all of that, she took time to ponder those things and treasure them in her heart.

So I was thinking about all of this during the sermon this morning, and it stayed with me throughout the day.

I think about what God asks of me. Some days, it’s easy to be joyful and obedient. Other days not so much…because what He’s asking me to do, I don’t want to take and TREASURE or PONDER.

At times I would rather pitch them out the window.

And I’ll argue with Him.

God, I’m not the one who’s wrong! Why should I be the one to apologize?

Ok, God…I’m not really understanding this latest medical issue. Why me?

God, no. This wasn’t what I’d planned. My timing is better.

Instead of just taking my situations and what they bring…and pondering them and treasuring them as what He’s planned for me.

When I thought back to Mary again, I was pretty much blown away. (again ;)) She took it all…trusting that God had His very best for her…and treasured it.

Wow.

Father, forgive the many times I don’t trust. Lack faith. Refuse to believe You are good. I have so much to learn. May each mountaintop, valley, circumstance, and situation bring an opportunity to praise You…and may I take each one and ponder it. Treasure it.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, encouragement, what I'm learning, where I am

Honest Thoughts

December 16, 2012 by · 4 Comments

I try to be honest in this space.

Obviously, there are things that I don’t tell you, things that don’t need to be shared, and things that just plain don’t belong here.

But I think this particular type of honesty does have a place here, especially after last Friday, a day that will be etched in the minds of most of us for heart-wrenching reasons.

I think that’s why I need to share.

You see, it has been a really, really hard few weeks in the parenting department.

It felt like, almost overnight, my sweet, usually-compliant, full-of-love daughter did a 180.

She and I were constantly butting heads over everything…from helping to pick up toys to getting her diaper changed; from sharing with others to simply doing what mommy asked her to do. She would yell at me, throw temper tantrums, and often hit.

I don’t share these things to embarrass her later in life…goodness, I was two once, and no angel, I’m sure. 😉 And it wasn’t like there weren’t any good moments…it just felt as if the difficult ones overwhelmed everything else.

My meter-o-patience was teetering dangerously toward empty in the middle of last week. It felt like every moment was infiltrated by a toddler determined to do exactly the opposite of what I wanted from her.

And then Friday came.

We had a really good morning together, but by afternoon we’d had a couple rough patches, and I felt like we were both in survival mode until Tobin came home from work.

And then I logged into facebook, which led me to turn on the news, where the tears immediately started to fall.

Little kids. Why, God??? Why little kids?

I’m pretty sure those words came out of my mouth as I buried my head in my hands for a minute or two.

And then I felt her hand on my knee.

Mommy? Mommy? It’s ok. You don’t need to cry.

In an instant she was in my lap, snuggling deep into my left shoulder, allowing herself, uncharacteristically, to be held tightly for several minutes.

The whole time I prayed was a mix of Oh, God, be near and Thank You, Father, that my girl is in my arms.

The crux of it for me? Is that there are going to be Days. Weeks. Stages.

Ones that I don’t love like I should, ones that I squeeze out of my sponge rather than soak up.

I don’t think there’s a parent out there who would say that parenting is easy and without frustration and tears.

The events of Friday broke my heart. There’s nothing I can say that people haven’t already said…my eyes fill with tears when I think of parents who have empty arms and shattered hearts over those precious children who are gone from their lives much too soon.

As I held my daughter tighter on Friday, it was almost like God was saying,  You know what, Mel? There are going to be those days. But hold her close and love her because I’ve given her to you.

Oh, my Mae…we are going to struggle. We are going to have some rough moments. But, as has already been true, I know the good and the wonderful will always outweigh those moments that are less-than that. I want you to know, sweet girl, how much I treasure you, how much

I. Love You.

To the moon and back. Plus infinity.

:)

Thank You, God, for my girl. For mommy-daughter moments shared, for lives impacting others, for overjoyed laughter…

And for Love.

Always. Love.

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, being mommy, blessings, encouragement, family, just life, Maelie, where I am

What He’s Doing

December 9, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Wowsers.

I love those moments when I hear His voice, loud and clear.

I know He’s talking to me.

I virtually-cracked open my Kindle today to read Jesus Calling. I’m not always disciplined enough to actually read it every day or even on the correct day, but it never, ever fails to give me a heart-pull. (And, random…I just saw that she wrote another one that came out a month ago. YAY!)

Sorry. :)

Anyway, so I’ve been kind of at odds with myself in the last week, battling through allowing myself to dream and letting my head somewhat-float in the clouds but at the same time being intentional about keeping my feet on the ground and enjoying all of the blessings God has given me now.

I think I’ve done ok.

But the real deal is beginning, and I have to admit to you that I’m scared.

Scared of failure, scared of rejection, scared of people thinking I can’t do it.

And I’ve known, as I’ve read through others’ candid thoughts over the last week, that I just need to kick this fear to the curb and trust Him.

It always goes back to trusting, doesn’t it? :)

That’s why I loved these words today. I hope they bless you, too.

“Be willing to go out on a limb with Me. If that is where I am leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Your longing to live close to Me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe.

Let me lead you step by step through this day. If your primary focus is on Me, you can walk along perilous paths without being afraid. Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together. As long as you stay close to Me, My sovereign Presence protects you wherever you go.”

(From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

So here’s to…Dreaming. Book-Writing. Learning More. Loving Better. Growing closer to my Father. Embracing Trust.

And, I’m sure, a whole lot more. 😉

Just where I am tonight…thanks for reading. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, just life, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Friday, Um…

December 7, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

My favorite Friday link-up is taking a break for the month of December.

I will miss it…miss my five minutes, miss my blog hopping to visit my writing friends, miss them hopping over to say hi, miss the topic being chosen for me.

Now the truth comes out. 😉 

So I was really trying to alliterate my title.

Many thoughts came to mind. Such as Friday…

…food?

…funnies?

…frustrations? (Sorry, out of the three, this one would have made the most sense today.)

But I don’t want to write about that at all.

So, here are my Friday thoughts…a sweet friend sent me some verses today that are definitely worth processing. :)

This game of waiting never seems to end.

When I think about it, life for everyone can be viewed as a series of events that leave us waiting.

Waiting to finish school…

…get married…

…buy a house…

…have kiddos…

…find that perfect job…

The list really never ends.

I joke that I don’t wait well, but the truth is that I really don’t.

I want to, but I so often allow my mind to race, my fears to set in, the worst outcome to become my reality…

That’s why I need to continually remind myself of this…

Do not be anxious about anything…

Words straight from Scripture. Somehow the whole NOT worrying thing must have been important for us to grasp if He put it there.

but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving…

God, do you know how hard it is to give thanks while I wait? Oh. Yeah. You do. You’ve already been there.

let your requests be made known to God.

Why is it that my first instinct is always to worry instead of pray?

He may already know my heart, but He still wants to hear from me. I feel pretty special knowing that. :)

But maybe my favorite part of all of this is the next verse.

And the PEACE of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)

Amen. Amen. Amen.

God, I know I’m such a worrier…I let the what-if’s take over far too often instead of trusting in what I know of You…that You are faithful and have it all figured out. I pray for Your peace while I wait…because I know it only comes from You.

Waiting. Would appreciate your prayers. Hopefully I’ll be able to give you an update soon!

Hope you have a great weekend…thanks for stopping by!

Sig

Filed Under: encouragement, just life, prayer, what I'm learning, where I am

This Beauty

December 6, 2012 by · 2 Comments

It’s been beautiful, this week.

Oh, my goodness. I don’t even know where to start and don’t really want to spill everything yet.

But y’all know that I’m on my way with my God-Sized Dream, and this week, I’ve spent some time connecting with 99 amazing sisters from all corners. It has been wonderful, beautiful, albeit time-consuming…but I am so looking forward to the journey we have begun and will travel together.

This week has been beautiful for other reasons.

Oh, some of that beauty has come up from the ashes. Like the kind where I crumple myself into a ball in the corner and cry my eyes out because I am so convinced at the time that I am an utter failure at mommyhood. (To be less dramatic and more honest…I will say that this very thing only happened once.) It just felt like the discouragement was dumped on me this week.

But in the middle of those moments there have also been times of surrender…times that make me wonder how I ever thought I could do this by myself. ‘Cause I can’t. Oh, God, I need You. Always.

I’m thankful for beautiful reminders…because my Father knows this journey of grace and where exactly He is taking me. 

I’m thankful for my beautiful daughter, too. Oh, we butt heads as mommy and daughter will. (Though it seems the head-butting started a bit early… ;))

But then we have moments like Tuesday night when she snuggled deep into my shoulder and we read Love You Forever. And she sang the song with me and it was one of my favorite mommy moments to date.

Or the morning snuggles I had with her earlier in the week when she kept saying, I love you, Mommy.

I never get tired of those words. Such beauty.

And, though Tobin and I struggled through this one, we’ve found beauty in waiting. That seems to be the theme of our life, and this week has been a test in patience and trust. We are hoping for an answer to that waiting soon…and trusting that no matter what, it will be beautiful.

Some days the road is paved with seemingly ugly and depressing, yet, I am so incredibly humbled by Grace.

I shudder when I consider life without it.

Of all the beauty in my life, that Grace is the most.

Thank You, Father.

Thank You.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, where I am, writing

Update on Taylor

October 30, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Today, I believe in miracles.

I always have, but today? I really, really, really believe.

But rather than give you my take, I’ll just pass on what I know. :)

:) Taylor made it through surgery.

:) Though her tumor was wrapped around several arteries and veins, the doctors got it ALL.

:) Then, they biopsied several areas surrounding where the tumor had been, and ALL BUT ONE came back negative. The other one showed just a microscopic amount of cancer.

:) Four months ago, this little girl was diagnosed with aggressive, Stage 3 neuroblastoma. Next week she’ll hopefully continue her chemo treatments and kick the rest of this thing!

What an amazingly strong, beautiful little girl Taylor is.

What trust and unshakable faith her parents have demonstrated through this journey.

What a miracle-performing, disease-healing, awesome, powerful, sovereign God we serve.

He still does miracles, He still moves mountains.

And we saw that today.

Thank you to each of you who prayed…this family was covered in prayer today.

Praise Him.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, friends, prayer, what I'm learning, where I am

That Place of Rest

October 25, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I’m one of those people…I’m more secure (or at least I think I am) when things are in my control.

I love my Father, and I say I trust Him, but I know in the depths of this heart how completely difficult that can often be. When something in my life turns topsy-turvy, instead of going to Him with open hands, I clench my fists even more tightly, fighting and flailing, determined to hang on and salvage whatever it is with which I’m struggling.

Because I can do a better job, you know. Better than Him.

Why am I like this? I sometimes scream. (Well, in my head or heart, anyway.)

Recently there’s been a situation I’ve been trying to make sense of. In all of my human perspective, I can’t seem to see any amount of fairness or understanding…or good…in any of it. I’ve talked to my Father about it, but I don’t see any immediate answers from Him, and that does a lot of things to this heart.

Frustration.

A reminder that He is asking me to wait.

More frustration.

More reminders of the good He’s done in past waiting.

Bringing me to a place of honesty with Him…teaching me to admit my weaknesses.

And eventually I get to the point where I start to release that grip.

Start.

But my human nature still wants to fight with everything in me and all I’ve got to make sure things turn out as I wish.

Last week a friend and I connected briefly through texting. I asked her to pray for me, and she responded, saying she would and with this verse.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

The image of my Father actually suiting up and going to fight for me made my eyes kinda drippy. Ok, I cried. That’s such amazing love…to realize that when He fights for me, He’s fighting for GOOD. Not evil.

Sometimes things just don’t make sense.

That’s nothing earth shattering to any of you, I’m sure. :)

This particular thing…I’ve been trying to figure it out and can’t understand what good He is possibly doing through it. And yet, it’s right there in that verse…He’ll fight for me if I’ll just let Him.

If I’ll just throw down my weapons and quit trying to fight it by myself…and just simply be.

Embrace the silence.

Be still.

Find that place of rest.

It was such a good reminder for me. And a challenge.

That when I’m in the thick of something that’s hard, I can rest, assured that He is out there doing what He needs to do for the very best outcome.

What complete Love.

I’m blessed to be loved that much. And so are you.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, just life, what I'm learning, where I am

Coffee Thoughts

October 21, 2012 by · 2 Comments

Tonight…yeah.

A bunch of scattered thoughts.

Coffee, definitely.

And sleep, early. Hopefully. :)

Yes, I am completely aware of what an insane oxymoron those last two lines were. 😉

I was realizing that over the last two weeks, most of my posts have been somewhat shallow. I hope that those of you who read here often know that’s really not me. It’s not, I promise…and I’ll always tell you that one of the things I really can’t stand is superficial.

It’s just that sometimes it’s so hard to be deep when life feels so upside-down.

I can’t go into it tonight. Maybe I’ll share part of it later…I’m just processing a lot and waiting on God for answers. Not easy, especially when the emotional, dramatic tendencies tend to so easily take over my thoughts and days, making things often seem bigger than they are.

I beat myself up for feeling things I do and for not having answers.

That’s basically the drawn-out description of the word, Wait. (You know, that thing I do so well.) 😉

It seems like more often than not, my plans tend to not turn out just as I’ve pictured them. Really, I think we could all say that. I’m human…something I especially rock at. 😉

It’s so hard for me to give things completely to God. I want to, but in my prideful, less-than-thinking-of-others moments, I get it in my head that I can somehow do a better job.

All of those really scattered pieces to say…I’m thankful. For a God who takes me…in all of my wandering and flailing and fighting…and loves me unconditionally. What an encouragement to my heart to know that He can take something of the mess I am and make it beautiful.

And, honestly, after the last year or so, I’m expecting something pretty amazing. I love that He can do that.

More importantly, that He will.

So now that I’ve been a little less shallow… :)

Life is…life.

With a two year-old, it seems that it’s always an adventure. We are in the thick of No way! and Go away! and I find myself wondering what happened to my parenting and my daughter. Our days are filled with so many wonderful moments and memories I’ll hold forever, yet one solitary incident leading to a temper tantrum which then leads to a time-out can ruin a good part of a day.

I know she’s two. (It’s what everyone tells me.) 😉

I know she won’t always fight me when I force her to take off her princess jammies. (You know, the ones she’s worn for a consecutive twelve days.) 😉

I know we’ll both grow through these mother/daughter battles and emerge with a stronger bond.

Because I know she’s two. And I’ll blink and she’ll be sixteen.

I’ve tried to focus on the joys that make up a day. I can honestly say that each night when I sing to her and pray with her, I fall in love just a little more. The frustrations of things melt away, and my heart feels so full I think it’s going to burst.

She truly is such a big part of my JOY. :)

She also starts gymnastics this week, which we are BOTH excited about. I think she’ll love it. And hopefully she’ll quit doing somersaults off the end of the couch. 😉

I’ve been good with running this past week, and though it’s sometimes-tough to drag myself out of bed so early, I’m always glad I did it. My goal this week is 20 miles. (Gosh no, not all at once!) I’m slowly upping my distance, though, and it feels good.

Now I just need to quit making dessert.

I made this today. It’s one of my favorites, and it was so amazing. (I sent some to our dear friends across the street because I knew I’d eat it all if we kept it.)

My other downfall is this. (Which I cannot seem to find on the internet. But go look in the freezer section of your grocery store…I promise it’s there.) Thank you SO much, Cool Whip, for taking two of my very favorite things and throwing them together into one container of gooey, yummy-ness. (Hope you could sense the dripping sarcasm there…)

Cool Whip frosting…no cake required. (I can so see myself doing a commercial for them, can’t you? ;))

Well, I should head toward bed. Early morning tomorrow, and I definitely need to be up to run off all of that frosting…

Hope you all had a great weekend. 😉

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, encouragement, family, just life, Maelie, running, what I'm learning, where I am

The Difference of a Few Words

September 26, 2012 by · 2 Comments

Several years ago when the book, The Five Love Languages, became popular, I read it.

As any emotional, feel-y female would be, I connected with the fact that Gifts was my love language. (Who doesn’t love a good gift?!?!)

But as I’ve spent much more of my time in the past few years writing and hanging with people, I’ve realized that Gifts actually comes further down the list than I once thought. My two love languages? Are really Words of Encouragement/Affirmation and Quality Time.

Especially words. We ALL need them, whether we admit it or not.

God has been challenging me in the last year or so to be intentional about using my words to build others up. That can be done in many ways…a blog post, a simple face-to-face conversation, a text, a phone call, a card.

In fact, I will shamelessly admit that I keep cards. So if you’ve ever sent me a little note or a card, I probably have it saved somewhere. :)

Words of encouragement have such a healing, uplifting power…at least for me. And for probably a lot of other people, too. :)

Dayspring recently sent me a free packet of cards…which I LOVE! (Thanks, guys! :)) They sent me the Colors of Compassion set, and as I looked through each one, I actually thought of several people that those cards were a perfect fit for. Someday…when a little word love is needed. :)

But there was one that caught my eye and challenged me to step out of my box. So, pardon me while I do a little storytelling. 😉

Two years ago, my family and I moved to Illinois from Indonesia. But between those two places, we had a quick six weeks in Minnesota and a teeny-bit of time to reconnect with our church from pre-overseas life. The church had changed quite a bit in five  years, though we still had several friends there. There was a woman there that I literally met in passing, and we had a few conversations during those weeks, but when we moved, I didn’t really keep in touch with her.

But I did read her blog.

And about a month ago, I caught up on it, and it made my heart bleed. She was going through some really tough things and was so open and honest about her struggles. I admired her courage for sharing the difficult and realized that, though I barely knew her, I could relate to a lot of what she wrote through the different seasons I’ve had in life.

But I had no idea what I could do. I said a prayer for her when I thought of her, and that was that…or at least I thought it was. Maybe our paths would cross again someday.

And then a few days ago I got a card in the mail. It was a completely unexpected, simple, I’m thinking of you note from a friend, and it made my day.

I thought about how much those few words meant to me at this particular time…and asked myself, Why don’t you just send her a note? The worst that can happen is she’ll never reply.

As I flipped through the stack of cards that I’d stashed in a drawer, I found the right one, wrote her a note, addressed it, and mailed it before I had time to chicken out.

I don’t know what will come of it, honestly, and that’s ok.. When I went back and thought about all she’d processed and shared with those who read her space, I realized she just needed some encouragement. Someone to let her know that there were prayers being said for her. Maybe a friendship will come of it, and maybe not, but either way…it’s all ok.

It was a chance to build up a sister-in-Christ.

I really hope it makes her smile. And reminds her she is Loved.

What about you? Is there someone you can encourage? Pull out your phone and send a text to a friend you know is struggling. Take time to jot a note to that friend you haven’t seen in ages but wish you could gab for hours over coffee with. Leave a comment on a friend’s blog just to say hey. (No subtle hints here, I promise. ;))

There are so many ways to make a difference with just a few words

Be blessed today, my friends. Love you all. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, encouragement, friends, just life, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Rainy Night Thoughts

September 13, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I love a rainy night. :)

Especially the kind when hubby forgets to close our bedroom windows and the temperature is just perfect for making a cup of hot cocoa and climbing into bed under a fleece blanket to update the blog.

As close to perfection as it’s going to get for now. :)

All that’s missing is a fireplace, but I’m guessing that won’t be happening anytime soon around here. Though my neighbor has one…maybe I’ll crash her living room on the next rainy, I-need-to-blog-and-feel-cozy night. :)

I do have to tell you that I love my new, red fleece blanket, though. You know that 5k I ran last weekend? The goodie bag rocked. A cute t-shirt (5k t’s are rarely cute) AND a blanket. The kind that screams, You know you want to go to take a nap just so you can cover yourself up with me. Yep, that kind of blanket.

Be jealous. 😉

It feels like it’s been a long time since I’ve just written…you know, had a virtual coffee date with you all like I used to. Except tonight we’re havin’ hot cocoa. And it’s good despite the fact that I had to dig through the cupboard to find a packet of it, and I’m sure it’s been there for at least a year, but I think it might be closer to two. Hey, isn’t that what preservatives are for???

So, since we’re catching up, I guess I’ll just talk about…we’ll just see where it goes.

I finished Kisses From Katie yesterday.

I can honestly tell you that, besides the Bible, it’s not only the best book I’ve ever read; it’s also the most life-changing. Read it…testimonies of God’s abounding grace just leap off the pages. I saw pieces of myself in her, but mostly I saw the Father’s heart…which I think was the point.

You won’t be disappointed. I promise.

And as a complete side note…I feel like I understand myself and where I’ve been a little more after reading this piece of her story, too. Sometimes it’s hard to explain to people why we spent time overseas…it was cool too see her put into words some of the reasons. I could relate. :)

Ok, just read it. (And I’ll move on to something else.)

My sweet girl is all but done napping. It’s a blessing and a curse all rolled into one. Her non-nappingness (Golly, I looooooooove my word creations sometimes!) gives us more flexibility with our days, and that’s definitely a bonus. But it also makes the days long. It also means potentially super-crabby evenings, but also almost guarantees that she will crash the second her head hits her special pillow.

Yes, she has a special pillow. And tonight, she has special jammies, which I had to pull out and cut the tags off and get her really excited about because the worn-almost-every-night princess jammies are a) dirty; and b) too non-covering for a night like tonight. Thankfully she bought my made-up excitement about jammies covered with snowmen and reindeer that I bought for 70% off last January. :))

Someday she will read this and be embarrassed…thankfully that day is not today. 😉

I love her. And I suppose the fact that she got excited about Christmas jammies in September is comparable to me and my new blanket. (Which is still super comfy, since I know you’re all wondering!) 😉

It’s been kind of an up and down few weeks, but I’ve been thankful for what He’s doing despite the roller coaster moments. I’ve tried to be intentional about counting my blessings…it’s amazing to look around and see all the good that surrounds a day despite circumstances and emotions.

I almost skipped my run this morning, but I’m so glad I didn’t.

The weather was perfect, and I made a new running playlist a few days ago, and I was excited to hear more of it. I basically went through every song in my iTunes, picked my very favorites, and shuffled them.

Toward the middle of mile two, this one came on. I hadn’t heard it for months…and I didn’t even remember adding it to to the playlist. But sometimes God just surprises me…and this was a blessing. I hope you’ll take the time to listen to it. :)

And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?

And You answer, “My child, I love you. And as long as you’re seeking My face, you’ll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.”

Powerful words from my Father…Wow.

Love you all…thanks for stopping by. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, coffee, encouragement, family, just life, Maelie, music, reading, what I'm learning, where I am
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