Monday Scatter

Do you ever have those scatterbrained days?

I started off with a plan for this glorious day called Monday. I really did.

It is so against my personality type to make a to-do list, but I actually scribble one out every Monday (on crazy paper that’s about nine different colors ;)) and add to it as the week goes on. This morning I was actually pretty motivated, but I had such a hard time focusing.

While Maelie ate her breakfast, I was planning to send out an e-mail to my Bible study. (That didn’t happen until much later.)

Then, while she was painting or doing puzzles, I was going to have some quiet(er) time…catching up on a study I’m doing and reading some Psalms. Instead, I felt guilty that I hadn’t shoveled yet and the poor mailman (or woman) would have to tromp through four-ish inches of fluffy snow…and so I took Maelie outside to “play” at 8:30 a.m. :) She had fun in the snow and “helped” me shovel, which only made everything take longer, but it’s about the memories, right? And those were most definitely made. πŸ˜‰

This afternoon was more of the same. I went to clean the kitchen and got sidetracked by a basket of laundry that needed folding. I pulled out the vacuum, and it sat in the living room for two hours before I actually used it.

Just call me incredibly scattered today. Oy…

Even tonight…I sat down to finally write after my usual, Monday night workout, and I got distracted by this site. Oh, don’t misunderstand me…I think it’s fantastic to use your smarts to donate rice to help feed the hungry. And…it was a good reason to brush up on my world geography. πŸ˜‰

But, still…did I actually do what I intended? Um, nope…well, not til at least 10:30 p.m.

I guess some days are just like that…all over the place.

I’ve been doing a bit of reflecting on Friday’s post.

I couldn’t believe how hard it was to publish that.

Ever the non-rule-follower, I actually do follow the rules for Five-Minute Friday, and after my five minutes of writing were done, I saved the draft, plopped on the couch next to my hubby…and cried. I could have not pushed the publish button, I guess…I was caught in this strange place of wanting to know how honest I should/could/wanted to be.

Not everything needs to be shared, ya know? And I wasn’t sure I wanted to share all of that. I don’t feel I owe any of my readers an explanation for my obvious openness…it’s certainly not the first time I’ve bared my soul. πŸ˜‰ But it was a hard post to put out into the blogosphere.

The funny thing? Was that I felt free after I published it. Almost as if God said, Ok, Mel…you know what you need to do, so just do it. Trust Me. Actually, pretty sure He did…and has been saying it for awhile. :)

And that makes me smile. It’s a good place to land after a scattered day. Here’s hoping for a little more focus tomorrow. :)

Sig

My God-Sized Dream: Pushing Past Doubt

When I went I away to college, I was barely 18. (Read: just weeks into adulthood.)

There were a lot of rules going on at my small, Baptist college (another day, maybe ;)) but the one that nearly destroyed my college career was the you-can-only-miss-three-weeks-of-classes-per-semester, any-more-and-you-fail rule. No exceptions.

At face value, this rule didn’t seem like much. Who plans on missing that much school?

What I didn’t factor into the equation was the possibility of sickness.

Two weeks into the semester, I came down with a bad case of bronchitis which turned into pneumonia. I missed my three weeks, but I was adamant that I would not fail my classes and headed back to school even though I probably shouldn’t have just yet.

It was a tall order to fill…if I missed any one class another time, I would automatically fail it. (Let me just point out here that at a college with 7 a.m. classes, oversleeping was an entirely realistic possibility. Especially for a girl who loves her sleep. :))

I went back determined…and I did ok for a couple weeks until I heard two girls talking about me. (They have no idea, to this day, that I heard their conversation.)

She’s never going to be able to do it. She’ll give up and go home.

At the time, the words sliced like a knife. I couldn’t believe that at a Bible college, people were being anything less than supportive. (A bit naive, perhaps? ;))

I found myself tucked into a corner in my dorm room that night, knees huddled to my chest, crying my eyes out…So. Ready. To. Just. Quit. I had started to believe what those girls had said was true…that I could never do it. That I should just give up.

I’m not sure at the time if it was more because I wanted to prove those girls wrong (which I totally did…YAY me!) or if I wanted to obey God. I knew He wanted me to be a teacher, something I had dreamed of for years, and a failed semester with all of that wasted money would only put that dream even further out of reach.

And so I stayed, wading through life a day at a time, praying I could somehow do it all. I didn’t come out of that semester with straight A’s, but I did make it. :)

***************************

And now here I am. Still Mel.

A little wiser and maybe-a-little older. πŸ˜‰

Wife, mommy, friend, blog-writer, hopefully, soon-to-be, published-author.

There are those days when the enemy whispers discouragement and frustration into my already-doubting heart. The sad thing is, sometimes he uses people to do it.

I had a situation recently where someone said something that literally about destroyed me…they had a hard time believing I’d follow through.

The logical part of me gets that…I do, I really do.

I’m extremely fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants. I get passionate about something and dive ALL-IN, sure that the entire world around me can’t wait to join in the fun. :)

But the emotional, wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve side needed to get the tears out first.

And after I’d cried about it for probably-too-long, I talked to God. I even admitted to Him that sometimes I have a hard time following through. As if He needed me to tell Him that. πŸ˜‰

But He was so Good, bringing me back to this scene from college, one that I had almost let ruin me and my future, because I’d allowed a lie to creep into my heart and take root.

The lie that said I couldn’t do it. Just because someone else didn’t think I could.

We dreamers…that’s including any of YOU who have ever had a dream…are in a vulnerable place. It takes courage and confidence and strength to put those dreams out there for the world to see. It takes even more of the above to push forward and follow those dreams with a curious audience watching. It puts us in a place where it’s very possible there will be word-throwing and ability-bashing.

And sometimes failure.

We just have to keep going. Trusting. Following what He’s called us to do.

I’m not going to tell you all that I’ve completely forgotten those words that were said to me. I’m extremely thankful that there’s been resolution, and I’m holding nothing against that person. Hugs have been exchanged, all is good. :)

But I’d be willing to bet that it’s not the last time this kind of discouragement is going to creep in, but rising above it and pushing forward is what my Father wants me to do.

Remembering that it isn’t about proving someone wrong…it’s about following what I’m called to do.

My dear friends, dreamers…follow your calling. Don’t let people get you down. Do what you know you need to do, and never forget that

The One Who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.
1 Thess. 5:24 (NIV)

Want to read more stories of how God-Sized Dreams are being realized? Click on the button below and hop on over…we’re linking up every Tuesday to share what God is doing!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

My God-Sized Dream: Finding Balance

Hi, friends.

I’m gonna start by repeating myself. :)

I am just so, so incredibly thankful to God and blessed to be part of the God-Sized Dream team. Each day I am encouraged, inspired, and challenged to grow closer to my Father by these amazing women. I just love them…and hearing about what God is doing in their heartsΒ  and how their dreams are coming true is just the best.

Ok, on to book-writing. :)

I’ve shared the dream. To take my Indo stories…the blessings and the tough stuff, the best moments and the things that made me cry, all of them…and put them into one place.

My book.

I’m already calling it that…even if I don’t have a publisher yet. :)

I’ve been going through Holley Gerth‘s e-book short, The Do-What-You-Can-Plan: 21 Days to Making Any Area of Your Life Better.

To tell you that this book has been a blessing is an understatement. I feel like God is using it to give me clarity, focus…and amazing hope and expectation for what He is going to do in my heart and life.

I’ve known He wanted me to write the book for awhile now, and in my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants-pretty-much-every-day, dive-in-headfirst, mind…I guess I figured I’d just sit down and tap out the words…and Voila!

Book.

That’s proven harder than I anticipated. Maybe we’ll just call it a reality check for someone who tends to live with her head bobbing in the clouds. :)

Holley stresses over and over in this book…small steps. One thing at a time. It will happen.

I SO needed to hear that…and hear it over and over and over. (Can I blame it on the ENFP in me? ;))

So twoish weeks ago I sat down and started to write out the small steps…the shorter-term goals…I felt were necessary to reaching my goal. I was desperately needing to find some type of balance…because I’m not just writing a book. I’m also a wife and a full-time mommy…I love my husband and daughter, and they deserve the best from me…not my “left over” time.

So here are the goals I came up with…one step at a time. (I only had to technically share one or two, but hey…I’m an overachiever. Or, I just like to talk. :))

1. Write out a plan for the book. My book is divided into three sections. Seventeen shorter chapters per section. I needed a plan or outline…some way to put it on paper so I could see where I was heading, to keep track of progress, and to actually see my chapter ideas. I’m finding that, due to the length a book should be…I will probably need to add a few chapters. I don’t think coming up with ideas for that will be hard, so I’m encouraged. And I’ve (mostly) finished this part.

2. Have a somewhat-flexible writing schedule…aka: certain days/certain things. It is extremely out of character for me to even use the word schedule. πŸ˜‰ But listing out what I should be doing on each day has helped me find balance. Balance between being a wife/mommy and a dreamer who’s reaching for a goal. For example…today’s Tuesday. :) My goals are to work on my post for the G-SD team, spend some time reading and commenting on friends’ blog posts and goals, spend lots of time with Mae, catch up on cleaning/laundry, make dinner, and work out tonight. No book allowed on Tuesdays, and it’s good. (Maybe I’ll share my schedule with you in another post. :))

3. Connect with my prayer buddy on a regular basis. This one isn’t too hard since we text almost daily, and I have chances to talk with her throughout the week. While I don’t want to overwhelm her (she has a life, too!) prayer is an important part of this journey, one that I sometimes put on the back burner. The truth is, it’s an amazing blessing to have a friend (and even, friends) who will pray me through this journey.

4. Surrender daily. Along with prayer, I’ve realized that each word I write needs to be surrendered to my Father…I want to give Him all of my book and all of my dream. This isn’t about me keeping a tight clench on the pieces of it I think I can handle on my own. It’s about letting go and trusting that He’ll bring something beautiful in His time.

Progress is slow on some of these, but I feel like I’m finding balance…something that has often been lacking in my daily life.

And since I should probably save something for next week, I’ll stop there. :)

Definitely smiling today…God is so Good, isn’t He?

And if you’d like to read more about what God is doing in the lives of other dreamers, hop on over here and check out the linkup! Truly, there are some incredibly beautiful stories here that God is writing. :)

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

(in)RL 2013!

Hi, friends!

So, there’s this site that I like to read a lot. Maybe you’ve heard me talk about it here or there? πŸ˜‰

Last April, (in)courage hosted their first ever (in)RL…(in)RealLife…conference.

It was great…really. Just an awesome time spent with friends, drinking coffee, growing closer to God and each other…and celebrating the beauty of community and friendship.

And this year it’s on for April 26th and 27th…I can’t wait!

The plan of the conference is great…because it’s all online. No plane tickets or reservations required…though there are meetups planned all over the place to give you a group to meet with, no matter where you live. Last year I met up with two of my friends, and we had a really great afternoon. :) There are sessions on Friday you can watch on your own; on Saturday, you find the nearest group and join them! (Or you can watch online on your own, but it’s more fun with friends!) :)

I seriously can’t recommend this enough…time to hang with girlfriends, laugh, eat, grow, connect, heart-share? Not to mention, the women behind this fantastic online community are amazing…every single one of them. Each day, their words bless me so much…I just love the thought of two days of hearing from them.

I have no doubt it will be incredible. :)

And, this year it’s free, too…so you really have no excuse unless you happen to have a conflict on April 26th and 27th. πŸ˜‰

What do you say? Who’s in?

You can head over here to check out the details. And as a bonus, if you register today, there are free gifts!

Trust me, you won’t want to miss this.

And, for my local friends, I’m hosting the Carpentersville meet-up. I hope you’ll think about it and join in!

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Dive

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Dive

Ok, I just gotta laugh here.

Like, really.

Because I know a lot of you think of me as somewhat athletic…no sarcasm here…I’m a runner, and I can hold my own in a volleyball match or a basketball game.

But you should have seen me try to learn how to dive.

Like, physically dive. Into-a-pool dive.

It was a riot. πŸ˜€

I was your typical eight-or-nineish-year-old girl who hung out with her best friends at the pool every day during the summer. (I heart small towns for that very reason.)

Around that age, diving became the cool thing…and what’s not to love? Springing off the diving board, sailing through the air, and plunging headfirst into the cool water?

I so wanted that to be me.

And. It. SOOOOOOO. Wasn’t.

Oh, I was a klutz. For most of that summer, I just couldn’t figure it out.

I’d bend over with my arms outstretched over my head and jump.

Every time, without fail, I’d splish splash into a belly-flop worth of America’s Funniest Home Videos.

I would laugh at myself because that’s just me, but secretly, I wanted to execute the perfect dive so badly.

What a metaphor for life, really.

There are so many dreams and desires we hold dear and wish deeply that they will come true.

We try and try and put our best possible effort forward, and they still don’t end up looking like we wish they would.

Often, though they will eventually happen, there are challenges and flubs along the journey that complicate it. Or, maybe, build character.

And so when I dove headfirst into writing this book, I think somewhere inside I knew it would be much like I described learning how to actually dive…I’m sure there will be moments, but it will happen…when the time is right and when God says, Now.Β 

Until then, I just keep trying. Just keep doing what I’m doing and trusting Him.

Just keep writing those paragraphs and telling those stories. :)

And since I know you’re wondering, I can now execute a flawless dive. Maybe I should try for the Olympics next?

:)

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Just a Diet Pepsi Chat…

Hi there, friends.

Just a sit-down-with-a-Diet-Pepsi and chat-with-you-all kind of night. :)

First off, I want to say thank you to all of you.

Your encouragement and comments in the past weeks (especially Tuesday) since I’ve started sharing more about my God-Sized Dream have knocked my socks off. Well, figuratively. It’s far too cold for even me to be running around barefoot. πŸ˜‰

I have to admit that as I continue to write and share my heart, this whole book-writing thing gets scarier and scarier. There’s so much that needs to happen…and so much that I’m admittedly uneasy and nervous about. Extra reasons for me to grasp more tightly to my Father’s hand, huh? He’s got it. :)

But I want to keep most of my dream-sharing for Tuesdays…so I’ll save my most recent thoughts until then. :)

It has been quite the week in the Schroeder house.

Hubby is wrapping up his job tomorrow…the one he’s been working since we moved here in July 2010.

It’s very surreal for both of us…sad, yes, but there is so much hope for the future, and we’re extremely grateful for that. With his new job, I’ll be able to stay home with Mae and write…with the non-pressure to make some money if I would like. I’ll just get to be with my girl, work on my writing, spend time with friends and at at my church…that makes me really, really happy. :)

Like, REALLY, REALLY HAPPY!!!!

And I’m happy for him, too…this job is a blessing in so many ways, and we’re excited for this new step. :)

It’s also been a hard week.

I’ve hesitated sharing this…and I’m going to leave most of the details out here. Really…if you want to find out more, I’m sure it won’t be that difficult, but I want to respect the people involved.

There’s been so much heartache and sadness for friends from the church we left behind in Minnesota, who I’ve known for several years and Tobin has known most of his life. They are going through something incredibly heart-wrenching and devastating…their son was charged yesterday with killing his wife on Sunday.

It’s the kind of situation that makes me sick…both physically and in my heart.

Sick for the family and friends of this beautiful woman and mother.

Sick for the little boy she left behind.

Sick for his family and friends…not only are they left with so many unanswered questions and wonderings, but they’ve also lost a daughter-in-law, sister, and friend whom they loved, too.

I just ache for them…to the point where I’m not sure I can even put it into words.

Will you pray for this family? I know they need and would appreciate your prayers so much. I’ve been asking God to just hold them tightly and reaffirm His unconditional love for them in amazing ways. I just cry for them…they must be hurting so much.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:22-23

What a beautiful thing that, as children of God, we can claim this promise.

So thankful for that tonight…thank you for praying. Love to you all.

P.S. This song has been playing over and over in my head over the past two days. I love it and the Truth found in it. Have a listen. :)

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Opportunity

It’s back! (insert slightly-cheesy, but oh-so-HAPPY grin)

πŸ˜€

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Opportunity

Each day is a new opportunity, especially with a sweet, sometimes-more-than-slightly-mischievous, toddler running around at my feet.

She is a sponge…and she soaks it all up, whether I want that for her or not.

And, together, we try to take each opportunity that comes our way for learning, teaching, changing, growing.

But lately, well…she’s two.

Those five previously written words probably speak volumes to most of you. πŸ˜‰

She’s two, and sometimes taking opportunities is…hard.

That temper tantrum is often easier to ignore than to correct, and the same goes for other various misbehaving moments that generally occur within a normal day.

Often, rather than taking the opportunity to show her what she should be doing, I ignore or use the dreaded time-out…forgetting that those little eyes are watching me. Learning.

Too much, too quickly.

And then I stop and remember…

The greatest opportunities often come from the greatest challenges, not from the easiest ones.

On the easy days, I coast…and there’s no reason to go outside of my limits to reach for something else.

It’s on those difficult, sometimes-just-plain-hard, days that the biggest opportunities…for blessing, for sharpening, for growth…arise.

And so I stop in my tracks as I watch her getting frustrated again over something that seems small and insignificant to me.

But not necessarily to her.

I kneel down on her level, grasp her hands, look into her eyes, and take the opportunity to show her that I love her and that I’m on her side.

And that I always will be.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

2013: Dream

Happy 2013!

If you popped over for my list of 13 in 2013 ;), I hate to disappoint you, but there’s not one.

It isn’t that I don’t believe in setting goals or having things to work toward. There are plenty of things I’d like to see happen this year. I just didn’t write them all down.

At least yet.

I’m trying to find more balance this year…and I’ll admit that I’m definitely in process.

We all are…all the time, but for some reason I just feel like I’m really in process right now.

I’ve decided that’s a good thing. :)

2013 is the year I get to write my book. Honestly, I’ve already written a good portion of it, but this is the year where it goes somewhere. That is, if God wants it to. And so a lot of my spare time…you know those moments between chasing a toddler and painting with watercolors and sticking stickers and rocking baby dolls…will be spent with words.

I wrote my life statement for the God-Sized Dream Team today.

Hmmm…

It was no small task. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever spent so much time on one sentence. And between the scribbles and notes, I managed to come up with what I believe God is asking of me this year.

I believe God has created and called me to encourage and inspire others through words, stories, and lessons learned from the unexpected adventures that come from a journey of walking by faith.

At this time in my life, I feel that sentence best depicts the purpose of my book.

God gave me (us) an experience like no other when He opened the door for us to spend five years in Indonesia. That doesn’t make our experience, or our lives for that matter, any better than anyone’s, but those years did leave me with a few things.

Perspective.

Insight.

Heart lessons.

Laughter.

Deeper love.

…and more.

And my purpose in writing is to share some of what He taught me through the grit and the grace that abounded during those years.

And still continues today.

In trying to choose a word for 2013, I went through several.

I thought I was going to choose Rooted, a word that God continually seems to bring to my mind and my heart.

In the end, though, I chose Dream.

God has given me an incredibly opportunity to really pursue the dream of writing a book this year. He’s given me amazing friends and prayer support and a team of women who are each pursuing a dream as well.

Today is the first day of 2013, and again, as I do each day, I am giving my dream to God. I can plan all I want, write all I want, submit my book to as many publishers as I want…but in the end?

What happens is up to Him.

I trust Him and I’m blessed beyond words for the opportunity to

DREAM.

Will you come along for the journey?

And, today, my sweet friend, Holley Gerth, launched an e-book called The “Do-What-You-Can” Plan: 21 Days to Making Any Area of Your Life Better. It’s fantastic…I’m going through it right now. And today…JUST TODAY…the Kindle version is free! Head on over here for your free copy!


Sig

Collisions

Is it bad to tell you that for the last week writing has been about the last thing I’ve wanted to do?

I especially felt guilty about that as I’d read the blogs of friends…they were all so inspiring and beautiful as each writer managed to take something profound from the birth of Jesus and apply it to life now.

I mean, it’s Christmas, after all. That’s when bloggers are supposed to pull out their best writing.

Not me.

And I suppose it’s not that way for everyone. It’s just how I feel. How I felt as I labored, literally, over each word in the last week, trying to pull beautiful out of seemingly nowhere.

And as I opened my laptop tonight, part of me just wanted to go to bed and do some more non-writing.

Which, I guess, is the opposite of writing.

Which makes me a genius for figuring that out? πŸ˜‰

At any rate, yeah.

Life is just a strange collision right now.

In some ways, that’s not a diversion from the normal of life. There are always ups and downs, joys and sorrows, things that make me laugh and others that make me cry, times of being surrounded and times of loneliness.

I usually have no problem processing those things, but for some reason, it feels almost impossible to scribble out anything worth reading lately.

That’s why I post pictures like this one. Hey, when you have a cute little princess dancing for the camera, who needs words? πŸ˜‰

But if I’m being honest, life is a mix of crazy confusion and big blessing right now.

I’m supposed to be in the thick of book-writing right now, and instead I’m wading through a swamp of doubt and fear and insecurity.

To be blunt…it sucks.

Not only does it just suck…but it’s suckING me down, slowly.

I’m questioning purpose, the right to dream, and if I’ve actually got what it takes to follow through. It’s discouraging, at-times depressing, and just feels…wrong.

It feels wrong to be even feeling those things when there are so many blessings surrounding me.

Because there really are.

Friends, family, community, church, sisters and dreamers…all good things. And there are so many more.

I know I am blessed, but I am also reminded that any journey toward a goal isn’t without challenges.

Most of you know that I’m writing a book with the goal of being finished by May. (I’m shooting for much sooner, but well see. :)) I could use prayer.

Prayer for focus…that I will keep my eyes on what I’ve set out to accomplish. And that I’ll keep them on my Father and what He’s asking me to do.

Prayer for balance…because I’m still a wife and mommy, and those two titles take precedence over “writer” each and every moment, as they should.

Prayer for wisdom…that God will guide my words and help me to speak Truth without being culturally offensive. (This is a big fear of mine because some of my writing deals with life in another culture.)

Prayer for love…that each word will be just that.

Thanks for reading my collision of words tonight. Blessings to you all as you close out 2012…can you believe it?! Time just zips by.

Love this quote I found today…maybe it will add some inspiration to your day, too. :)

Sig

Silent Night

Silent Night.

And I breathe.

It’s almost 11 p.m.

The presents are wrapped and under the tree, except for the ones from Santa, of course. (I expect he’ll be showing up any moment now.)

The house is presentable, though there is a bit more picking up that needs to be done.

A little girl is (finally) sleeping soundly upstairs.

Our hearts are happy and full from a Christmas Eve spent with some wonderful friends.

And my feet are tired, but they’re propped up at the moment, so all is well.

I told my hubby this morning that it doesn’t seem like it should be December 24th today. I’m not sure where the month went or where my heart went either, for that matter.

It felt like, at times, chaos reigned in my life instead of my Savior; that busyness instead of reflection took over my moments.

My daughter will have a beautiful Christmas day tomorrow, I know that. But I want it to be beautiful for the right reasons…not because (hypothetically, of course) there has been an explosion of Disney Princess love in the living room. πŸ˜‰

She’s starting to connect already…Baby Jesus and Mary and Joseph, and I never want the importance of what happened on that Christmas so long ago to leave her heart or her mind.

I want her to understand that the baby born in a stable was truly the greatest gift the world has ever seen. Not only that, but on the night he was born…he was born to love her.

To die for her.

Of all the things that her daddy and I can give her for Christmas, modeling that love for Jesus is the greatest of all.

It’s nice to have a silent night…after the busy and the sometimes-crazy.

Wishing you all blessings as you celebrate the birth of our Savior with your friends and family.

Silent night, holy night.
All is calm, all is bright.
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child,
Holy Infant, so tender and mild.
Sleep in heavenly peace,
Sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night, holy night.
Son of God, Love’s pure light.
Radiant beams from Thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace.
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth,
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth.

Sig