This Beauty

It’s been beautiful, this week.

Oh, my goodness. I don’t even know where to start and don’t really want to spill everything yet.

But y’all know that I’m on my way with my God-Sized Dream, and this week, I’ve spent some time connecting with 99 amazing sisters from all corners. It has been wonderful, beautiful, albeit time-consuming…but I am so looking forward to the journey we have begun and will travel together.

This week has been beautiful for other reasons.

Oh, some of that beauty has come up from the ashes. Like the kind where I crumple myself into a ball in the corner and cry my eyes out because I am so convinced at the time that I am an utter failure at mommyhood. (To be less dramatic and more honest…I will say that this very thing only happened once.) It just felt like the discouragement was dumped on me this week.

But in the middle of those moments there have also been times of surrender…times that make me wonder how I ever thought I could do this by myself. ‘Cause I can’t. Oh, God, I need You. Always.

I’m thankful for beautiful reminders…because my Father knows this journey of grace and where exactly He is taking me. 

I’m thankful for my beautiful daughter, too. Oh, we butt heads as mommy and daughter will. (Though it seems the head-butting started a bit early… ;))

But then we have moments like Tuesday night when she snuggled deep into my shoulder and we read Love You Forever. And she sang the song with me and it was one of my favorite mommy moments to date.

Or the morning snuggles I had with her earlier in the week when she kept saying, I love you, Mommy.

I never get tired of those words. Such beauty.

And, though Tobin and I struggled through this one, we’ve found beauty in waiting. That seems to be the theme of our life, and this week has been a test in patience and trust. We are hoping for an answer to that waiting soon…and trusting that no matter what, it will be beautiful.

Some days the road is paved with seemingly ugly and depressing, yet, I am so incredibly humbled by Grace.

I shudder when I consider life without it.

Of all the beauty in my life, that Grace is the most.

Thank You, Father.

Thank You.

Sig

Little Blessings (Pt. 55)

:) Buffalo wings for dinner. Yeah, I totally did. :)

:) A spur-of-the-moment afternoon with a wonderful friend.

:) Twinkly white lights on the Christmas tree.

:) Upgrading my phone…now to learn how to use that iPhone!

:) Christmas Veggie Tales. Yes, despite (almost) twelve hours of them, I still love ’em.

:) Pinterest love.

:) Ornament hanging with my girlie and hearing, Isn’t it beau-fi-tul?! over and over. :)

:) My slippers. Even if it’s not cold out right now.

:) 60’s tomorrow (!) and a perfect running morning coming my way!

:) Joys on hard days.

Sig

Dreaming God-Sized Dreams

All of us…in one way or another…have dreams.

Dreams in and of themselves are beautiful things. They allow our imaginations limitless boundaries to create ideal and perfect…full of hypothetical rainbows, daisies, and smiley faces. (Well, if you’re me. ;))

It’s when we take steps to turn those dreams into reality that they can sometimes become messy, discouraging, and full of valleys we’d never planned.

For five years, from 2005-2010, my husband and I gave our hearts to a country on the other side of the world. I talk about Indonesia now with fond memories, but to tell you that it was full of those rainbows at the time would be untrue.

During those years I saw my Father take me and painfully chisel away those parts that were getting in the way of His glory.

I saw huge disappointments that caused more grief than I ever thought possible, teaching me that my joy could not be found in what I had planned for my life…but in His perfect plan.

I saw Him take a woman who thought she had it all going for her and bring her to a place where she had nothing to give but what she had in His strength.

When our Indonesia life ended and we suddenly had this brand-new(ish) American existence, I started to write.

I needed to write.

The need to process became necessary for my emotional survival in a country that was mine and yet made me feel like a stranger. I wrote about everything…from learning to park a car again to the perils of choosing a salad dressing from the mile-long aisle, and from my disdain for wearing boots over jeans (which is hilarious now!) to the dozens of coffee creamer flavors I purchased just so I could try them all. :) I wrote about how hard it was to feel alone and the joy that came from a friend who came to find me, about a heart that broke from starting over again to a Father who redeemed broken and was the Giver of all givers.

It was good processing. More than good.

And as the words found paper and I allowed my heart to bleed, there was this little dream that crept in.

Or, maybe not such a little dream.

As God began taking my stories from Indonesia and weaving them into my now-life, I knew He was asking something of me.

Something that I’ve always wanted to do, but also something that takes Bravery. Trust. Surrender.

Which are kinda scary sometimes.

And I knew it was time to write…really write…that book.

I believe what happened next was completely of my Father.

I read this site often, but sometimes I miss a day or two. And for whatever reason, when I hopped over about a month ago, my eyes fell on this blog post.

As I read Holley‘s words, I felt this little twinge in my heart, the kind that God puts there to say, It’s time. Do it. Be brave. You’ve got Me, and I’m all you need.

So, I applied.

Honestly, I didn’t expect to be accepted. Oh, I hoped…like, a million times a day, but I tried desperately not to get my hopes up.

And when I opened my e-mail on that morning two weeks ago and saw a message saying, Congratulations! I’m thrilled let you know that you’re part of the God-Sized Dream Team!…well, I walked around with a completely-founded, silly grin for the next few days. :)

In just a couple of days I have the awesome privilege of joining a team of 99 women from around the world who all have a God-Sized Dream. For the next six months we’ll travel this road together…the one of taking our dreams, placing them in the Father’s hands, doing everything we can in His strength to realize them, and trusting Him completely with those hopes that passionately consume our hearts.

I don’t know these women or their stories, but what I do know is that we’re in a similar place of dreaming BIG…and trusting God with it all. I can’t wait to get to know their hearts and to walk this beautiful journey…one of letting God move as only He can…together.

It’s going to be amazing!

Over the next six months, I’ll be sharing more with you. What I’m learning, what He’s doing in my heart, and the way He’s changing me…I hope you’ll come along for the ride.

I really have no clue what to expect, but I know that there’s a reason…and I’m SO excited!

This is a chance to be brave, and I’m ready to step forward.

Thanks for your love and prayers, friends! You are each a blessing to this heart.

Sig

Saturday Chatter

Laughing to myself already.

😀

‘Cause I’m pretty sure the word chatter can be defined in more than one way today.

For instance, I woke up in Minnesota this morning, and it was eight degrees outside.

Yes, you read that right.

Goodness, it was C.O.L.D. And my teeth were definitely chattering.

We kinda half-looked at the weather forecast before we left on Wednesday, but it said nothing about snow or eight degrees. I guess we should have known, especially since we lived there for several years, that weather in that great state is far from predictable. Hence, we froze.

But I could use the word chatter and go on and on about the past few days, too. They were good.

Family, memories, laughs, lotsa food…it was a memorable Thanksgiving. Potentially the most memorable for me was Black Friday shopping. I’ve gone before, but I’ve never made a special effort to go right when a store opens for a certain deal. My sis-in-law was all about that, and so I tagged along.

AND got to watch.

Hee hee hee. 😀

While hundreds of customers at Walmart dove into piles of stuff, I stood back and watched a real-life commercial. Stuff really did fly everywhere. It was quite entertaining. After the chaos died down a little, I trotted over to the pajama section and scored myself a super-comfy pair of slippers for $6, found a couple of fun things for Mae, checked out in five minutes, and left as happy as a clam. (Are clams happy? Why do people use that expression?!?!)

Anyway, a few more stops with the definite non-highlight being standing in line at Target for 45 minutes. Thankfully the people in front of us were friendly and like to talk as much as I do. 😉

We got home at 2 a.m., and my incredibly cool hubby got up and ate pie with me at 2:30. Isn’t he great?! :)  Then, being the awesome wife I am, I went with him to Menards the next morning. (Read: later…no way was I getting up at five!) We actually enjoyed ourselves. 😉

So, that was my Black Friday, and it was…well, it was.

It was a good few days, but it’s always nice to be home.

We headed back today, making stops in St. Paul and Janesville to see friends and pulled into the driveway at 7 p.m…tired. I mean, Mae protested going to bed…for the whole sixty seconds it took her to fall asleep. 😉 I made myself do laundry and unpack tonight, but bedtime? Is coming soon. :)

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving…blessings, friends!

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Thank You

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mamafor Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Thank You

Some days the thanks come so easily.

And on those days it’s often the most simple things that bring the most gratitude.

My family. Being surrounded by my hubby and my daughter and my two doggie boys. Knowing that there is love exploding in our house. ‘Tis perfect…for me. :)

My friends. Those who don’t always get me but love me despite that and are Jesus to me anyway, even if I’m having a not-so-lovable day.

Today…the blessing of a snowy outside but a blanket and slippers and legwarmers (lovin’ them!) and time to sit down to write words while my girlie watches Snow White.

Such simple blessings, but the Giver of them knows my needs…and does just that. Gives them.

Some days the thanks don’t come as easily. Disappointments, hurts, and emotions cloud what I want to be reflected in my heart, and I forget to look beyond them to say a simple thanks.

Because there are so many reason to say thank you to Him for all He has done. It certainly can’t be in five minutes, but I’m thankful that despite what may not come out in words for others to know, He knows the thanks in my heart, and I pray that those sometimes-whispers will speak more loudly than anything I could write or speak.

I am loved, I am forgiven, I am secure, I am His. I am surrounded by Love, washed in His grace, forever His daughter.

And those things are enough to make my heart scream, Thank You, for the rest of my days.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Little Blessings (Pt. 54)

:) Two consecutive days of naps. (For the girl. I took one yesterday. :))

:) Beautiful weather for late November…I really love sweater weather.

:) Two awesome mornings for running.

:) Visits from friends.

:) Baking pies.

:) Storytime with Mae. I read her my favorite Max Lucado book tonight. She loved it. :)

:) Anticipating reunions with people I love.

:) Awesome news that made my heart SO happy!

:) My little family. I just love them so much!

:) Giving thanks…I am so extremely blessed.

Sig

I Smile…

…but not because I’ve had the flu for 24 hours now. No, that doesn’t bring smiles.

But, it is true…even on the most difficult days, there are always reasons to smile.

Like, right now. Tobin is upstairs giving Mae her bath. The two of them spent the day together. Out of necessity…I didn’t want to give her this at all, but also because I think daddies should do that once in awhile.They wrestled, went to lunch, played at the mall playground, stopped at the dollar store for puzzles, came home, brought me a present (B&BW Christmas hand soap!) played some more, had pancakes. I smile because they had a good day together.

I’m currently being guarded by two golden retrievers. Andre and Sammy know, and they protect. I love knowing I’m being taken care of by everyone in the house. :)

I smile, too, because we’re that good of friends with our neighbors that I can text and ask for some Sprite. :)

I smile because I’m keeping water down. That is huge, folks, though I will spare you the details. Let’s just say that never have I had a flu bug where I threw up so much with absolutely nothing in my stomach. UGH. The fact that I’ve kept water down for going-on-seven hours is most certainly a reason to rejoice.

I smile, too, because I got some amazingly AWESOME news yesterday, news that I really want to splash out onto the blog right now, but I need to wait. I have some details right now but am waiting on more AND I have a dear friend who deserves to hear it in person, and I want to wait for the chance to tell her. I love it when God moves BIG…really, really excited about some future opportunities!

I smile because next week promises a reunion with some dear friends. And pie. Though friends definitely come first on the list. But let’s face it…pie at Thanksgiving is SO good, isn’t it?! :)

I smile because I am loved, and that has been shown to me in countless ways this week.

What about you? What made you smile today?

Sig

Scattered Musings

Ever have an extremely contemplative, yet scattered, day?

That’s me tonight.

I’m currently munching on a really bad protein bar. I told myself I had to eat all the ones in the house before I bought more. This current one I, unfortunately, purchased a large box of without considering the possibility that they might be bad.

Shudder.

It’s kind of funny how certain things start to clutter the pantry after awhile…for me, it’s protein bars and random boxes of crackers. I have no less than five different brands and probably ten flavors scattered throughout the kitchen. Oh, weird me.

So I put Mae to bed tonight and was all excited to run on the treadmill. Having one in our basement is a perk on evenings when Tobin is gone and I want to get a few miles in. So I resurrected the thing from it’s 8ish-month storage, hopped on, started running at the highest level it will go…and golly, this thing is shakin’! Feels like an earthquake!

After a couple attempts to stop/start it again, I realized an important little piece that holds the base together had popped out and was g.o.n.e.

No running for me.

I did some strength/cardio stuff instead. Not nearly as fun or as sweaty as running. (Did I really just say that?!)

At any rate, I’m sending hubby to the basement to hopefully fix the thing for me. Some days it’s just easier to run on the treadmill than run in the cold.

Though I have unofficially promised no one…ok, ok, myself…that I’ll do one day a week outside.

Ask me how I’m doing with that in the middle of January. :)

Tomorrow is a pretty crazy day for us. Gymnastics, a meeting, family pictures. Plus, my Bible study is SO lucky…I’m baking them my favorite cake. :) That, too, needs to be done tomorrow.

Yikes.

It occurred to me a few days ago that last year, I spent the entire month of November writing about the things I was (am) thankful for…and I (obviously) haven’t been doing that this year. It was almost a convicting realization.

It’s not that I’m NOT thankful…I guess I’ve just chosen to express that thanks in different ways this year…though I’m sure I will officially post something at some point.

I was talking to God about that, trying to explain that I really AM so thankful for all He’s given and blessed us with. In the middle of that explanation, it hit me…

Duh, Mel…He knows.

Perhaps because true gratitude is a reflection of the heart. Though that can be shown on the outside, and should be, the fact that I haven’t been talking doesn’t make me ungrateful.

It gave me something to think about for sure. :)

I can’t believe Thanksgiving is nine days away. We’re heading to Minnesota to see Tobin’s family and a few friends, too. It should be an eventful trip with an ever-wiggly, active toddler and two rambunctious golden retrievers. Yay for family bonding at it’s finest? 😉

Thankfully, I thought ahead this time. I got a steal of a deal on this, and while it has the potential to ensure that Tobin and I are singing Veggie Tales songs for the entire weekend, it will keep a certain little girl entertained during the 12-14 hours we will spend in the van. :)

Between that and her A-B-C Turtle, which is a favorite toy on long trips, and coloring, I’m hoping it’s an enjoyable trip.

And, hey, if it’s not, at least we’ll have grandma and grandpa to provide us with the sanity we lost on the way there. :)

P.S. If you have any tips for long road trips with two year-olds, I’m all ears. Please. Talk.

:)

Well, I’m about out of words (yeah, right, like that ever happens!) and morning is coming way too soon. Off to bed I go so I can (hopefully) run on my non-earthquak-ing treadmill bright and early.

Happy almost-Wednesday, friends!

Sig

Little Blessings (Pt. 53)

Tonight I realized it’s been too long since I’ve done this.

So…

:) Small potty-training successes. I’ll take each one!

:) I love you, Mommy, with a squeeze around my neck.

:) Cozy blankets and furry slippers. (Thinkin’ those might make the list every time this winter!)

:) Our first hint of snow tonight.

:) A surprise visit and chat with a sweet friend.

:) Thanksgiving next week! Headed back to Minnesota for a few days.

:) Hearing a song or reading a verse and feeling like it was written for me.

:) Laughter over silly things.

:) The changing of seasons again…I don’t love to be cold, but I love the unique each different season brings.

:) The faithfulness of my Father.

 

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Roots

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Roots

Sometimes having a scattered life can lead to that feeling that there are no real roots. When pieces of existence span oceans and continents, knowing where exactly those roots are deeply planted is difficult.

The first decade was just that.

A cute little green house in a Twin Cities suburb. Job bouncing and church hopping, waiting for what He had for us.

We knew it was something, and it was.

Three years after we moved into that cute little house, whose color resembled that of pistachio ice cream, we pulled up the roots we’d put down, hopped on a plane, and flew to the other side of the world.

Those roots grew differently in the tropics.

Though we planted and watered, things just blossomed in a different way. Five years of wonderful and stressful, of stretching and challenging, of loving and living made us into different people. Gave us different worldviews, insights, and most importantly, lifelong friends.

And yet the roots were not to remain there forever.

Once more we pulled them up…strangely, far more painful than the first time…and moved them to an at-the-time obscure, almost-suburb of Chicago.

We planted them and we daily water them because, for now, this is where they should grow.

We have a daughter now, and she needs a place to call home. We are investing in the life around us, determined that these roots will stick no matter if there’s something next or if this is it.

And while, in this place, it is good to have roots and we love that they are planted here, my Father daily reminds me of something.

That this world is not my home.

As important as it is to have that place on earth to be my home, rooting myself in Him and His Word, His Promises, and His Love is what will truly bring growth.

My dear friend said it best in a song she wrote…

Lord, plant Your Word in my soul, only You make me whole.

Father, keep my roots planted in the right place.

Five Minute Friday

Sig