Living the Adventure, Telling the Stories
To night
I met up with a college friend I hadn’t seen in over TEN years…so there was plenty to ch at
about!
We picked up right where we left off.
And it is totally almost one in the morning, so you get…um…a picture. (And maybe I’ll tell ya more tomorrow.)
What a great night.
One of the coolest videos I’ve ever seen…
Wh at
a be
autiful world.
…go back in time and relive one day of my life, which would I choose?
Pardon me while I shamelessly use a blogging prompt today. I spent quite a bit of time writing this morning and have a tired brain.
Regret is a funny thing.
You always hear it in Christian circles…forget the past and press toward
the future.
Things we wish for and can never have again because time just doesn’t work that way.
God doesn’t work that way.
But if I could go back…there was a day.
In April 2010.
I was still in
Indonesia but only for a few more days. I went to school to spend a few hours saying goodbye to people I knew I needed to have that closure with.
It was hard, and I cried practically the second I walked in the door and saw Laura L.
I spent part of that day having lunch with my former students. We sat on the Big Boat (new and improved, for all you BAIS people ;)) and ate and talked.
It was sweet…like old times.
They filled me in on all the latest happenings in 6th grade, who liked who ;), and where everyone was going for summer break.
They talked about my ever-expanding belly, the baby girl inside, and begged (once again) for me to tell them her name. I wouldn’t.
Then it came time for the bell to ring, and we knew it.
This was it.
I could have cried because inside, my heart was just shattering. But I also knew that if I let those emotions go that I would probably sob uncontrollably, and I didn’t want some of my favorite students ever to remember me that way.
So I let the tears brim but choked down the sobs as we hugged goodbye.
I watched them disappear into the school as I stood on the playground fighting the strange paradox of thankfulness and grief.
I have often thought back to that day and wondered if I should have done things differently.
If it was ok to let them know how much I loved them and would miss them in the form of just letting the tears go.
Honestly, I don’t know if I went back and repeated this particular day that I would change a thing. But I wouldn’t mind going back just so I could hug them all.
My Father gives second chances…He has done that over and
over for me. I don’t know what form that might come in, but I believe that He will give me another chance to see these students.
And whenever that is, I’ll let the tears flow.
Truthfully, as painful as parts of my life have been, I have no regrets. There are things that I wish I could change, but I wouldn’t go back and change them because each were stepping stones to bring me to where I am.
And I love where I am.
So if I could go back? I would just want to hug those precious students once more, chat it up again, and enjoy one more lunch with them on the Big Boat.
Ok, so my goal when I woke up this morning was not to de-clutter my life. Really, I promise.
That’s mostly because I hate to clean.
But last night, something made me sad.
See this?
Tobin and I bought this little travel cribbage board at a tiny beach shop in Santa Barbara, CA, on our first anniversary trip. We both liked to play and only had a bigger board that really shouldn’t be hauled everywhere we went.
We paid around $4 for it, put our initials on the back of it, and had
Absolutely. No. Idea.
the history that this tiny, $4 board would make.
We took it all over the world with us.
That cribbage board has been in more Starbucks than you have, probably. It’s been on the sand of Camps Bay Beach in Cape Town, South Africa. We always took it with us to a little, tiny hole-in-the-wall restaurant on Jl.
Cimbeleuit close to our first house in Indo where we’d go for noodles, strawberry juice, and fried ice cream. We played it in a little cafe in Amsterdam that served probably the best pastry I’ve ever had in my life. It’s been in countless airports (oh, wait I counted them!) as we passed hours upon hours of waiting for flights. It’s been the cause of a few arguments when one of us whomped the other in a skunked game.
It’s even made its rounds during the last year here in Illinois…during those first lonely weekends when we just had each other, we’d go find a Starbucks or Caribou and play cribbage while Mae napped.
It’s special. It’s a piece of us…and last night, we realized it was gone.
And while it’s just a thing, losing it hurt.
More than we admitted to each other.
Our first reaction was…it’s almost like this is, strangely, the way it should be. After being a “friend” as we traveled the globe, it figures that we’d lose it the week after we bought a house!
Our only inkling of where it might be was possibly in one of my purses.
Which is really not helpful if you know how often I switch the bag I’m carrying. But after looking everywhere ELSE, I knew what I needed to do.
Clean out the purse closet.
Glory be…you really have no idea the task that I undertook when I started this today.
I will not show you any pictures.
I will not tell you how many purses I cleaned out.
I will not even tell you about the things I found in some of them because…and I was joking about this with a friend through texting tonight…I think I might need therapy after the rawness of my emotions at seeing some of the things that had found their way into the hidden nooks in those bags.
Some of those things had me in tears, especially the goodbye notes I found from friends when I left Indonesia. (Definitely worth finding…but, nothing like a good cry.)
I cleaned purse after
purse, bag after bag.
I made three piles
: the I-don’t-care pile; the I-care-enough-to-give-away-to-someone-I-love pile, and the either I-use-and-or-like-this-bag or I’m-not-ready-to-sever-the-emotional-ties-with-this-bag pile. The last pile is the one that is still hanging in the newly cleaned purse closet.
And you’ll be happy to know that the first two piles make up at least half of my former bag/purse collection.
Friends, we are making progress.
So, if you need a bag/purse and have an idea what you want, chances are I probably have it and am willing to give it to you. Seriously.
And part of me knows that I’m really not done sorting through all of my purses. I just can’t get rid of them all at once…but it is a start.
And I’ll take it.
Oh, and I almost forgot.
I found the cribbage board. In the
Very. Last. Purse.
😀
w e w
ent out on a family date to On the Border.
Usually our “family dates” consist of the Sonic Drive-Thru, or if we’re really feeling brave, we sit in our car an eat ice cream!
The big time, I know.
After our slightly-less-than-romantic anniversary dinner on Wednesday, I think Tobin and I were both wanting to go some plac
e we knew
we liked.
The problem is, we took Mae.
And don’t get me wrong…I have the most wonderful daughter ever. I love that girl.
But taking her to dinner with us
? To a sit-down-and-order-and-wait-for-your-food place
?
Um, yeah.
So she actually wasn’t too bad before the food came, other than semi-consistently letting out the new high-pitched squeal she has discovered.
(It’s not cute…it’s ear-splitting.)
When Mae’s taco (with extra tomatoes…very important) came, we cut it up and gave it to her. She loves tacos (and tomatoes).
What did she do
?
Started throwing…not dropping…it all over.
Then we tried rice.
Even worse.
It was the most un-peaceful meal we’ve had in a long time.
Not sure what was up with her or her lack of On The Border lovin’.
MY tacos were good.
And Tobin’s burrito was the size of Texas. Close, anyway.
But there must’ve been something not quite so wonderful about Maelie’s dinner.
I w as frustr
ated a bit at the time, but it IS a memory.
That toothy, silly, ornery grin she would flash as she pitched the rice here and there… was kinda cute.
And she does make me smile…and make me thankful to be her mommy.
I just don’t think we’ll be taking her back to On the Border anytime soon. 😉
–Slept ’til 8. That never happens, mostly because the girl doesn’t usually sleep that late!
Still tired when I woke up.
–Went to farmer’s m arket with
a friend. Still tired.
–Gr abbed
a coffee on the way home.
Still tired.
Seeing a theme here?! 😉
–Fed Maelie a snack and put her down for a nap.
She talked for an hour in her crib and then slept for two.
–While she slept, I took a n
ap.
Woke up (still) tired.
–Tobin made pancakes and sausage for our very late lunch. (I could tell you that I was tired, but I think you already know that!)
–Went to run a couple errands with Tobin and Maelie.
( Bought cute, super-cheap purple sunglasses for me and a few shirts for Mae for next summer.
I love end-of-the-season clearance!)
–Came home, boxed up FOUR boxes of Maelie’s clothes and picked up her nursery, played with
her a bit, and then made pizza for dinner.
(NOT frozen. Just wanted you to know I did cook a little today!)
–Took a walk down the street to a friend’s house and then walked home. Eyelids drooping.
–Ran over to Judson to drop something off. (Eyelids still drooping.)
–Sitting on couch blogging…and ready for bed.
–It’s 8:30 p.m. and I am going to hit the hay. It is possible that I will get more sleep tonight than I’ve had since…oh, 2004.
G’nite!
A cooler, overcast day and a walk to the park with my girl.
Drinking coffee with a friend
using my Indonesia Starbucks mugs.
I love the stories that come with each of them.
Owning the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical DVD collection. I am so watching South Pacific tonight…and belting out all of the songs. Just ‘ cause I can.
😉
A family
date to Sonic.
Mmmmm. I had a Lemonberry Creamslush, just in case you’re wondering.
Running further than I have in awhile this morning
and NOT feeling like I was gonna die.
Love progress.
Getting a free pi
ano through a connection of couple friends. Oh, how I have missed playing…and oh how much I love music.
Watching my girl push her shopping cart all over the house while giggling this morning.
Celebrating nine years with my hubby and (both) being able to laugh about the date we had that didn’t quite turn out like we expected.
I’m thankful for laughter.
Um…buying a dress today? That would mean Mel actually found one that looks good on her. More progress.
Crazy dogs who are so full of life that they almost knocked me over (but didn’t) tonight. Thankful for their energy but not for the huge bruise on my ankle.
Looking forward to the Farmer’s Market tomorrow morning and spending time with a friend.
A weekend stretching out ahead of us to spend together as a family.
Tobin and I have hoped for a couple of months that we’d be able to take a trip back to Indonesia this fall.
We’ ve got tons of miles sa
ved up from the trips we made between there and here during our years overseas.
But apparently not enough.
After three separate (and extremely long) phone calls to Delta, we’ve pretty much got to give up the dream of going back.
The guy I talked to toda
y was by far the nicest representative so far, but the things he told me made me so frustrated with the whole “let’s-use-miles” thing.
Did you know…
? Something around $600 for 20,000 miles. If a flight costs 120,000 miles, well… you do the math.
t?
I’m so frustrated, and maybe for selfish reasons.
I wanted to take my little girl back to our second home.
I wanted our pembantu to have a picture with her instead of just a picture of her. I wanted my students to meet Maelie, and I wanted to hug them,
too. I’ve missed them. I wanted to go back to the place I so hastily left sixteen months ago and say a real goodbye.
I’m not exactly sure why it’s ok to post rates on a website that aren’t accurate. Or why it’s ok to advertise that you can use your miles when, in reality, it’s next to impossible.
I’m not sure I’m going to fly Delta again…EVER.
Unless we can actually use all those miles someday.
Thanks for letting me vent… and be a little dramatic.
I’ll try to be more pleasant tomorrow.
I married my man.
To tell you that marriage has been the fairy tale I always dreamed of would be lying.
But to tell you that our marriage has stretched us, shaped us, and helped us grow…that’s better.
Today we are putting behind us the most difficult year of our marriage so far.
I suppose when you throw first-time parenting, transcontinental relocation, and a brand new everything all together, there’s bound to be some stress.
We’ve had some really wonderful times together this year, but some pretty stinkin’ hard times, too.
I don’t say this to sound negative…it’s true. But I think the ways we’ve grown through those hard times are what has strengthened us as a couple and as a family.
Yesterday I was showing a friend one of our wedding albums…not because our anniversary is today, but because I was looking for something else and found it instead.
I’m glad we have it because we accidentally taped over the video of our wedding.
Ooops.
But one thing I still have (on my iPod of all places) is this. (Ok, it’s at the bottom of the post because WordPress wouldn’t let me put it here. :))
The song I sang with three good friends just after I walked down the aisle. (I will not publicly identify these friends… unless they want to identify themselves in the comments.
:))
It’s cheesy, but I love envisioning that moment…as I was just about to pledge my life to the man I loved, not knowing what would come our way…but being completely ok with the unknown.
Marriage has brought so much more than I ever imagined, and though at times it would have been so much easier to give up, I’m so thankful we’ve stuck to the commitment we made to each other.
..and chosen to go forward.
Tobin, I love you. I love your strong, provider instinct but also the way you say dorky things to make me giggle like a ten year old girl.
I love the daddy you are to our daughter and the way she lights up when she sees you. While I don’t always appreciate our differences and the ways that you challenge me, I know that you’re good for me…that we’re good for each other. I love so much about you, and I look forward to many, many more years of celebrating with you.
Happy Anniversary.
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So more than any other day since beginning this blogging excursion, I really don’t feel like spilling my heart.
It’s what it is…some days are like that, I guess.
It wasn’t a particularly bad day.
It was actually a good day…I got to have pancakes and coffee with a dear friend, and we ended up talking for, um…hours.
That’ s alway
s nice.
But sometimes with those heart-to-hearts, emotions spill…and I’ m left feeling fragile.
The old Mel would have seen this as a negative thing, but today I’m convinced that God gives us days like this to remind us that it is His Grace on which I should be leaning.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
1 Cor. 12:9-10 (ESV)
Just that kind of day.
So very thankful for His grace that sustains me.
Follower of my Father. Wife to Tobin. Mama to my Mae and Mac. Friend. Writer. Dreamer. Lover of adventures. Throw in some coffee, chocolate, running, music, and that's me. I fill this space with the real of my heart and life as I dance through my days with one hand holding my daughter's (or my son's, if I can keep up with him!) and the other holding my coffee mug. Welcome! I hope you'll stay awhile.
