Five-Minute Friday: Lonely

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s prompt: Lonely

It was one of those days.

The kind when she would pack her bag and trudge to school, not sure who might be there to greet her.

Say hello.

Notice her.

Something. Anything.

And, like so many other days just like it…the loneliness abounded.

And she built a wall around her heart, wondering if anyone would ever want to tear it down.

Sometimes, friends, I let myself think back to that time in my life when I was so lonely.

It was hard and is not a time I revisit often.

But, truth?

I think we all have those lonely moments.

I still do, sometimes.

The challenge for me now…and it really is a challenge sometimes…is to not let them be a bad thing.

Yes, this extrovert thrives SO. MUCH. when she is around her friends and those who love her.

But there can be so much beauty in the lonely, too…the kind of beauty that comes with allowing myself to be wrapped in my Father’s arms.

When I let Him take my loneliness and teach me to rest in Him and the fact that He is enough.

I often just look at all He’s done…all He’s given…the ways He has blessed me with So. Much. Community…and I smile.

Yes, there are lonely days.

But there are so many blessings, even then.

MomsBibleStudyI love this picture of my amazing Bible study friends…truly a gift from God. They’ll never know how much they mean to me. :)

Five Minute Friday

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Five-Minute Friday: Story

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s topic: Story

Messy.

Ugly.

Unloved.

Unwanted.

For years, this is how I thought my story would end up.

For years, I lived with the belief that I was these things.

Oh, how wrong I was.

You see, He was using those moments, those tears to write my story.

He took the ugly pieces, the messy ones, the ones that made me feel like I had no place at all…and He wove them together into something I could have never pieced together on my own.

usoutside

He gave me a man (the one I celebrate 11 years with on Saturday!) to love me and take care of me.

He gave us a sweet, precious, gift of a daughter.

He gave us community and family and friends…a place for our story to be written.

A place to belong.

He’s led us step by step…sometimes with just enough light for the next step, but always leading.

My Father?

He’s the best author.

Because He can take any story…any storyand turn it into a beautiful one.

And no matter how long this chapter is, or where the next one lies, I know something.

I know that it will be good because He is Good.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

A Wall to a Foundation: A Guest Post

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I was never that girl…

…the one invited to sleepovers and parties, the one who had boys lining up for her, the one who was beautiful and had the latest, most perfectly-tight-rolled, Guess Jeans or Keds with the Real. Blue. Tag. on the back of them.

Gotta love the 90’s. 😉

Life in a public school was difficult and so was feeling like I had that group of friends who understood me and had my back.

I remember that day in freshman choir when I realized just how much I wasn’t accepted.

She stood behind me in our second soprano section of singers and kicked the back of knees.

Over and over.

For fun.

I’d always known she was mean, but this seemed like a new low, even for her…and when I turned around with tears in my eyes, she laughed.

The other girls joined her.

And the bricks?

Well, I started to build with them…

Please click here to read the rest of my post, A Wall to a Foundation.

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Today I’m so excited to be guest posting at my dear friend’s space.

Christine is one of my God-Sized Dream sisters, a powerful prayer warrior, and an inspiring dreamer. She writes at Living Joel 2:25, and I was so excited when she asked if I’d like to be part of her Rebuilding the Walls blog series! Please stop by and check out her space…I know you’ll leave inspired and encouraged. :)

Thanks for reading today, sweet friends!

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A Moment of Love: I Need Your Vote!

Hi, friends! :)

So a pretty cool opportunity came up about a week ago. One that I am already so in love with, I hope it’s something I’ll be able to participate in often in the future.

CausePub is an organization that is putting together a crowd-published book called Couch Rebels…meaning lots of people contributing stories for one publication.

If you have ever traveled abroad or placed yourself in an environment that is uncomfortable from what you are used to, you’re a Couch Rebel. It is within those times of choosing to be uncomfortable that we learn, grow, and experience the incredible things life has to offer… and then tell those stories for the rest of our lives. (causepub.com)

The sale of this book will benefit Blood:Water Mission in Africa, which I think is beyond awesome.

320 million Africans are without access to clean water. For every copy of Couch Rebels sold, the organization, Blood:Water Mission, will be able to provide three people with clean water for one year. The goal of this Cause is to sell 15,000 copies, which means that 45,000 lives can be directly impacted through your participation in this CausePub project! (causepub.com)

And I’m thrilled to have the chance to participate!

I’ve submitted the following story, but in order to be part of this publication, I need your help! Would you consider stopping by here to read and vote for it? Thanks so much! :)

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There are those moments in life that leave an imprint forever; this is one of them.

My husband and I spent five years living and working in Indonesia. Life there…well, it differed drastically from what we’d always known, and many of those differences were good.

They were differences we embraced.

But there was one…one that was so in-my-face and obvious; wherever we went, there were so many people in need.

In every facet of life, it seemed, there were people hurting…from those with housing needs to being hungry; and others unable to send their children to school or lacking the funds for desperately needed medical care.

And then there were people in the kind of need I’d never seen before…

To read more of this story and vote for it, please click here.

couchrebels

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Behind the Scenes: We’re Not Just Picking Flowers Here…

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When I first look at this picture, I think,

Mel, couldn’t you have at least gotten this from another angle? Really? It’s your precious girlie picking a flower!

And then I answer myself with a loud, resounding, NO!

Because this is not really a story about picking flowers at all…but I hope you enjoy my drama storytelling, anyway. 😉

On Sunday afternoon we left town around 12:45 p.m. and headed to Madison, Wisconsin, for Tobin’s uncle’s birthday party.

It’s a two hour drive.

ETA with a potty break thrown in there: 3:00 p.m.

Right. On. Time.

But, no. Oh, no.

Our first mistake was getting on I-90 which was kinda like downtown Chicago after a Bulls game.

Times about a hundred gazillion.

Traffic was creeping…and I do mean creeeeeeeeeeeping.

We sat in it for a good fifteen minutes before we were able to inch our way toward the first exit we saw.

We’re poring over the GPS, trying to find an alternate route, already running super late, and have just turned onto Route 72 when we hear that little voice from the backseat.

I need to go potty!

It’s our first road trip with her being potty trained. {OF COURSE she needs to go potty…it’s Murphy’s Law at its finest and most inconvenient. ;)}

We stop at the first gas station we see and We. Make. It.

Whew.

But we’re Tobin and Mel and Maelie…the fun never stops with just a potty break! 😉

She spots a field of flowers as we’re walking back to the van. Down the hill from where we’re parked.

I’m wearing heels. (Of course…when am I not? But still.)

I WANNA PICK A FLOWER!

Knowing that the easiest thing to do in this situation is to Just. Let. Her. Pick. The. Flower…I kick off my heels and we run down the hill to find the very best one.

Realizing at this very moment that this is potentially a perfect picture for my Tuesday post, I whip out my iPhone and snap a picture as fast as I can before we run back up the hill to the van.

And, yes, I remembered to go back for my shoes. 😉

Soon we’re off again, down or up or whichever way we were going on Route 72. (I’m thinking I need to write a song here…)

The drive is going smoothly for about six minutes, which is a record for us on this trip, friends.

Things. Are. Most. Definitely. Looking. Up.

And then we see? The brake lights.

There’s a train. It’s. Not. Moving. At. All.

People are turning around, and I just think, Can’t you wait a few measly minutes for a train?

And then Tobin points out that people on the other side have gotten OUT of their cars and are walking around. Clearly, this train is not moving anytime soon.

We sit for a few minutes, thinking that maybe our presence will bring some good luck and things will get moving again. Not a chance. Like the multitudes, we backtrack and find another route. (At this point, the GPS tells us we’re going to be about 30 minutes late.)

Finally on our way (again) we head toward Rockford. We are Just. About. There. when we pass over I-90, which I think may have a new name in my mind now. (It does not belong here.)

Traffic is moving.

We’re encouraged that perhaps we can hop back on the freeway and make up a few minutes.

Our next mistake: We get back on the freeway.

Because we’re optimistic like that. 😉

No sooner had we actually entered the highway when we saw brake lights and it backed up.

We crawled.

Crawled.

Actually, I’m pretty sure I could have gotten out of the car and, literally, crawled faster.

OY.

At this point, I think the phrase, And WHY are we doing this?, may or may not have escaped my lips.

But by now, I just need to focus on something else, so I pull out my phone and tap out a text message to a friend. It’s all, Hope you’re having a good day, we’re stuck in traffic, haha, but she knows me well enough to know that I’m just not telling her exactly how frustrated I am.

It takes up a minute of our forever-into-eternity, long trip, and then I look up.

Still traffic.

Twenty more minutes before we hit Rockford, which is normally a 40 minute drive for us. Sunday? It took us

An. Hour. And. 40. Minutes.

Good grief, have we done something wrong?! Don’t answer that.

Thankfully the rest of the trip was uneventful except for one more little stop right before we arrived at our destination just a few minutes before 4 p.m.

Happy party, fun to catch up with people we hadn’t seen in a long time, there was cake, all is good.

Except there’s a drive home, ya know?

We planned it and got off the freeway Completely. Before. We. Even. Arrived. In. Illinois.

Take THAT, I-90.

😛

Home in two hours and a few extra minutes. Praise Jesus.

Except I have to go through Rockford next week, and I have no idea how I’m going to survive it.

Lots of prayer?

More detours?

Please. Send. Chocolate.

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Happy Tuesday, sweet friends! On Tuesdays I link up with my sweet friend, Crystal, at her space for Behind the Scenes.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

I hope you’ll take some time to hop over and read about the real and messy of life that happens behind the photos we take.

crystalstine.me

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Behind the Scenes: It Broke Me

There are things in life that change us forever.

And this is my story of one of them.

IndonesianManI remember the man.

Not this man…no, this is not my photo.

As my husband put it, There are just things we didn’t feel that we should photograph.

After all, why take a picture of something that made such an indelible, permanent, imprint in our minds and on our hearts?

The man, though…there was just no way we could forget him.

For the first time we saw him, it was shocking.

He didn’t have any legs.

And we’re not talking leg-loss, below-the-knee…no, he didn’t have any part of his legs at all. When a car would drive by with a handout, he would use the strength of his arms to pull himself near the curb where he would hold up his dirty, paper cup and hope for enough coins or even a paper bill to make a difference that day.

We grew accustomed to seeing him and would always have a Rp 1,000 bill ready…about enough to buy him noodles or rice.

Tobin would stretch down from the driver’s window to make sure the money made it into the cup.

It was a tiny way we could help.

But it never got easier to see him. Never.

There was a piece of my heart that always wondered what his story was…too many circumstances prevented me from ever finding that out.

But there was an even bigger piece of my heart that just shattered all over the broken sidewalk where he made his home during the days. That would happen when we’d pass him or any of the many people like him.

The man in this photo reminds me so much of the man we saw so often…because I look at his picture and I wonder what his situation is.

I wonder if he can walk or even get around without someone to help him.

I wonder if he even has someone to help him.

I wonder his story and if there’s a family or a friend…someone, anyone who might love him.

There are stories like this all over the world, not just in Indonesia…but everywhere. Even, literally, around our corners.

It’s true…broken is everywhere, and it comes in many forms. This man’s brokenness was more obvious that some, but the truth is that, in some way, we’re all broken.

Sometimes pictures are hard to look at, and the stories behind them even more difficult to hear.

But I know how this man…and the crippled man on Jalan Pasteur and the too many children with empty eyes and the hundreds, even thousands, of others….changed my heart.

Yes, they broke it, too…but they changed it at the same time.

Or, maybe, my Father used them to change it.

I still struggle with how it’s possible to love everyone.

It’s not.

But I can love the people who are around me, those God brings into my life…and that looks different with every person.

There’s no “how-to” with Love…it’s just simply a choice. And it’s one I want to make every day.

That’s the story behind why I posted this photo…

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

(Special thanks and photo credit to Eki Akhwan of Bandung Daily Photo. Used by permission.)

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It’s Tuesday, and one of my favorite link up days! My friend, Crystal, invites us all to her space to share the real of life behind the photos that make up our days.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

I hope you’ll hop over and read some incredible stories of the things that take place behind the camera lens.

crystalstine.me

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Oh, the Silence

To most people, silence is golden.

I think of that often, especially since I’m mama to the sweetest…and possibly most talkative ever…toddler. We DO have a good time…we also do a lot of chatting. 😉

So for me, if there’s too much silence, something is wrong.

Which is actually funny if any of you knew me at all between the ages of 0 and 20-ish.

I kind of didn’t talk much. Or, really, at all.

And then I decided enough was enough…and maybe I started making up for the two decades I didn’t talk. 😉

Honestly, it’s been a test in maturity for me. I can truly talk someone’s ear off…I really have to be careful to keep a rein on my tongue and decide when to use my words and when to use my ears. Because, in my mind, there’s almost nothing better than sitting down with a friend and chatting it up for hours.

And hours.

And even more hours, if we have those hours. 😉

And for a long time in this space, it was the same way. Talk, talk, talk (aka: write, write, write) all the time, every day, without fail.

I began to find my worth in the number of times I hit the publish button on this page.

I was learning anything but silence during that time.

And then it happened…about a year ago. Instead of writing seven days a week, it went down to six. Then five, then four, and I sat at four for quite awhile. And then somewhere in there it went down even further to two or three.

I began to struggle for words…and for a writer, that’s similar to a struggle for air.

And I fought God more than you can possibly imagine.

What’s wrong with me, God? Where are the words? Where are the deep thoughts and lessons?

I felt useless.

Instead of basking in the gift of silence, of reflection, I was fighting it, determined to be noisy and heard.

Oh, Mel.

Mel.

Mel.

Mel.

How often I act like this in life.

Instead of sitting and listening, whether it’s to a dear friend or my husband or my daughter or God…I beg for someone to listen to my words.

Friends, it’s become my time to be silent-er. (I do believe I just made up a new word.) 😉

Actually, it’s been that way for awhile; I just haven’t wanted to admit it.

That’s why this place has been so quiet lately.

There are still a few blog posts each week, but I’m well aware that I don’t share nearly as much as I used to.

The truth is that there’s a lot going on in my heart, and while it feels like He’s been putting me through the fire a little lately, I know His purpose is to refine me.

I’m seeing that refining and taking the time to process some really cool things…and, hopefully, I’ll be able to find the words for them soon.

And that’s really, really good. :)

I’m moving forward on a couple of dreams that I haven’t talked about too much here. Yet. 😉

One is in the works…being a contributing writer. And I’ve gotta tell you, friends…it’s been nothing short of incredible to watch God move on this one.

Ooohhh, I really can’t wait to tell you more soon! :)

And I’m taking a big, scary step and going for another dream today.

I don’t know when I’ll have an answer to this one, but I do know that if I don’t take this step…though it feels more like a gigantic leap off the edge of a cliff?! 😉

I’ll always wonder and wish…and just regret that I let the Chihuahua of Fear win. (Nope, you annoying, little, ankle-biter…you’re not winning this one.)

I’m believing that He’s got good plans always…even when I can’t see them just yet.

I. Just. Need. To. Trust.

And take the time to be still and know that He is God.

He’s. Got. It. All.

So thanks for hanging with me through the quieter days in this space, for stopping by and leaving comment love, for connecting and Tweeting with me…for just being there.

I’m so blessed by each of you.

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Five-Minute Friday: Rhythm

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s topic: Rhythm

My heart wonders sometimes when I think of it…the whole, this is life right now, thing.

I don’t mean that in a bad way…it’s just that the rhythm is different.

Three years into this season of life, and I’m learning what it means to stay, to settle,

to play along with the rhythm of what we have instead of trying to create our own.

It’s not a secret that I thrive on adventure and the crazy that seems to abound around the corners of the less-traveled paths.

But this season, He has clearly said…

Stay.

This is your rhythm for now.

And you know what? I like it…and I’m learning to soak in the blessings and sing the songs that come with it instead of becoming desperate for something new.

Just this week He’s been impressing on my heart the beauty of memories and what was and what will always remain in my heart. And along with that?

He’s showing me the blessings of now,

And the rhythm they bring with them is just amazing.

Feeling grateful tonight for the place He has brought us…and the things He has yet to do.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Behind the Scenes: Pieces of an Early Morning

I wrote a pretty heavy post last week…and that’s ok. There are times when soul baring is necessary, especially when there’s something beautiful that comes from it.

And, truthfully, there always is…it’s just that it’s not always that easy to see.

I’m in let’s-process-the-past-few-weeks mode right now…and I’ll write more about it later.

But today?

I bring you So. Much. Awesome.

Well, I guess I’ll let you be the judge of that. 😉

photo(7)At first glance, this just looks like an Instagram…hey, hey, look what I’m up to! (And it kind of is.)

But not really.

See…this pic was taken around 6:30 a.m. on Sunday morning. I know, I know.

My eyes had popped open crazy early. The girl was still sleeping, I didn’t have to be at church for praise team until 9:30, and our back porch…with the sun just starting to peek in…was calling my name.

And so I grabbed a cup of coffee, a (small) handful of chocolate (breakfast of champions!), and plopped on a chair with my legs propped up. (Notice the awesome floor burn from the volleyball tournament we WON on Saturday? Yeah, the one I played without knee pads… ;)) My faithful pup, Sammy, took his place by my side, and it was time to (literally) waste my brain on an episode or six of The Babysitter’s Club.

PSA: It’s now available on Netflix streaming. I. Kid. You. Not. (You may or may not be missing out if you haven’t experienced this wonder at least once in your life.)

And as I sipped my heaven-in-a-cup and practically quoted, word-for-word, the cheesiness of the Brunettes trying to steal Logan from Mary Anne and even likely sang audibly…and by likely, I mean,

Yes.

I totally did.

Say hello to your friends…Babysitters Club,
Say hello to the people who care,
Nothing’s better than friends…

Oh, come on.

You know you were singing it from the time I mentioned it. 😀

Plus? I needed to warm up before praise team. 😉

All of that to get to my actual point, because there is one that goes beyond cheesy 90’s tv and coffee and even cute golden retrievers. :)

That sometimes the blessings come in small pieces of sweet and a bit strange…and they don’t always look like daisies and bright sunshine at acceptable hours of the morning. 😉

But that Sunday morning? Was an amazing gift from my Father.

It was the kind He sent just to say I love you, Mel. And I know it’s been hard, but I’m Good and I know exactly what you need.

He’s right.

I soaked it all up until about 7:30, and then I was joined by the sweetest THREE year old ever, who surprised me by watching right along with me and even asked for another episode.

BAHAHAHAHA!

What have I created?!?! 😉

It was a beautiful morning, one that still makes me smile.

He is Good.

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It’s Tuesday, and I love Tuesdays.

I’ve taken the challenge this summer to write about the life behind the photos…the ugly, the messy, the real, the true…and link up with my sweet friend, Crystal, at her space for Behind the Scenes.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

I hope you’ll stop by and read about the real of hearts and lives…some of my favorite writers link up there, and their words will bless you. Happy Tuesday, all!

crystalstine.me

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Him and Me…Daddy and Daughter

Sometimes I wish I had known to hold on to the good times.

But there’s no manual that comes with childhood…the kind that tells little girls that every moment spent with their daddy is something to be treasured.

For me, it was so much unlike what “all of my friends” had.

He worked the 11-7 or 3-11 most days. (He was a police officer.)

I rarely saw him for more than an hour or two at a time.

Occasionally he’d take me out for coffee (I got Dr. Pepper) or to the airport to see his buddies.

And once, he took me running with him. A day I’ve never forgotten.

It was all of those little moments and memories, the things that made up our version of daddy and daughter.

I thought he hung the moon, and when it crashed, so did my entire world.

I skipped school that day and I watched him go. His belongings packed into his white truck, a quick goodbye, and that was it…on that too-beautiful-for-anything-bad-to-happen, early-May day, I set a record for the fastest a wall could be built by a fifteen year old.

There was no way I was ever letting anyone in again.

The years that followed were a series of separations with a brief, very-occasional, few hours together thrown in there. But for the most part, this daddy/daughter relationship was gone.

Over.

Can I tell you something, friends?

That’s not ok.

Daughters need their daddies in their lives, and they need them to be All. There.

Committed.

Faithful.

Because eight years later, I was getting ready to walk down the aisle. And to be honest, I didn’t know what I wanted.

Well, if we’re being completely honest here, I wanted to get married on a remote beach with a few friends there as witnesses. I wanted to forget the fact that there was that whole giving-the-daughter-away thing looming over my head.

But I couldn’t…because I’m Mel. Because I’m me and because my heart wanted to do the right thing, even if it was hard and it hurt and was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

And so we walked down the aisle together. (I cried more than he did, but for the record, I don’t think his eyes were dry, either. ;))

MelDadWedding

And nothing magical happened that day, but those bricks from the wall I’d built around my battered heart did begin to fall.

And almost eleven years later? I have a daddy again.

Our relationship still looks different…but it’s a good one.

We only see each other a few times a year, and we talk about that often, too. But those moments are special and I hold them close to my heart and thank God that He was able to redeem such broken.

He called me the other night, out of the blue, and I LOVED that he called. It was mostly just chatting about life and family and running (my awesome daddy-o is running a marathon this year!!!)…and well,

I whispered thanks.

Because my Father redeems…and He gives.

And He gave me my daddy back. Happy Father’s Day, Dad. (A day late because…well, you know me. ;))

I love you. And I hope we have a lot more little moments to come.

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