What part of your dream feels the riskiest? Have you ever had people misunderstand or disagree with your dream? What do you do when your dream is scary or when others don’t support you?
I was never that girl…the one boys lined up for, the one girls invited to their slumber parties, the first one picked for a team, the cool one.
And though those feelings were always present while I was growing up, the worst years were middle school and into high school.
Kids were mean, just because they could be…maybe it was fun for them?
I’ll never forget that day during my freshman year of high school.
It had actually started out a few weeks before as I was sitting at lunch with a few of the “friends” I usually ate with. We’d been talking about a few random things, and I confessed that there was a boy in my algebra class that I thought was really cute.
For some reason they thought this was information worthy of bringing up repeatedly, even if he was within earshot. Because, you know, it’s fun to be fourteen and Completely. Obnoxious.
Have I mentioned how much I don’t like mean people? And mean girls are even. worse.
They would talk about it often, seemingly day after day after day.
And what I didn’t know one day as I took my usual spot at the table? That they’d planned a little something.
How nice of them. 😛
One of them leaned over and whispered to me, Hey, wants to eat lunch with you.
I remember giving them a strange look and questioning them, but these “friends” insisted that he was expecting me to go over to his table.
Reluctantly I glanced over his way, and he saw me. My heart was pounding, but I took the risk and I picked up my things and stood up to walk over to him when all of his friends (and he was surrounded by at least eight or ten guys) grabbed their trays and left the table, leaving him alone with me walking toward him.
He looked at me, and we both realized what they had planned. And the look on his face said everything.
Sorry, I’m not interested.
Let’s just say I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I’m pretty sure I went straight to the bathroom stall, my favorite one on the end, for a good cry.
Rejection.
It hurts, stings, leaves a mark. It damages self-confidence.
I’m mature enough now to realize that those awkward, teenage years don’t define me as a person. I don’t think of them often, and I certainly don’t dwell on the day when I realized that those friends really weren’t friends at all.
But when it comes to dreaming?
Dreaming God-Sized dreams like writing books and being a blog contributor? (And maybe even working on a medical ship someday? ;))
I fear rejection. It kinda makes me shake in my pretend boots. (Hey, it IS flip-flop season. ;))
The day I handed over my rough draft to one of my dearest friends…the actual, physical, letting-go of the draft was painful. Here was my heart and soul on paper, and she was only the first in a long line of people who will eventually (hopefully) read it.
What if she hates it? (P.S. Thankfully, she didn’t. :))
What if I really am a terrible writer?
What if I get a bad review or a nasty critique?
What if there’s not a publisher out there who likes it?
Or, worse, what if no one buys my book?
I suppose these are things all writers stare down at some point…but this is somewhat new territory for me. And if I think about it all for too long, I start to feel overwhelmed.
And sometimes?
Completely terrified to keep moving forward…because, honestly, those next steps scare me.
And, for me, next is a book proposal. I kind of did things backwards, not realizing I could submit a proposal without actually finishing the book. But, hey…live and learn and do things in creative ways, huh? 😉
And I have to be honest and tell you that I listen to the enemy’s whispers far too often.
I let him tell me that my writing is no good and that no one will want to read it and that I’m a nobody in the bloggy world.
Thankfully, I know the Truth, but there are always those doubts.
Because with risk comes the possibility of failure. Of rejection. Of a confirmation of those feelings of inadequacy.
I have certainly failed in my life, and I’m not finished with failure, I’m sure.
From being a wife, mommy and friend to writing, dreaming, and doing, there are those days when I feel as if I’ve failed miserably.
Each day I have to remind myself that I’m His.
That this dreaming? It’s for Him.
And so I’ll pick up that rough draft again and pore through it. Pick out a few chapters. Send them with the proposal.
Allow my restless heart to beat fast and furious as I wait for a response, knowing that on the journey to a dream, there’s always risk.
But along with that risk is the opportunity for the Giver of my dreams to bless unexpectedly and wildly.
And that’s what makes this dreaming and doing worth it.
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Happy Tuesday, sweet friends! Thank you for stopping by and reading my words. If you’d like a glimpse into the heart of some amazing dreamer friends of mine, you can find us linking up at Holley’s place. We hope you’ll join us for some inspiration and encouragement!
It’s going to be worth the risk. I can’t wait to read more of your story!
Thank you, friend! I can’t wait til you have the chance to read it.
I hate it when folks are mean just to be mean. I have felt that sting of rejection for my self and again for my kids. It hurts so deeply. I am thankful that God never rejects us and He will see His plan/dream fulfilled in our lives. I can not wait to reead your book ( I do get an early signed copy, right) Thank you for all your encouragement. Have a blessed week.
Just a few times so far, I’ve felt that sting for my daughter…and that hurts even more, I think. But amen, sister…He never rejects us. And an early, signed copy? Of course!
Blessings on your week!
Oh Mel,
How I look forward to read you blog each week! I can’t wait for you book {books} to be published so I can sit down and read them and tell others I KNOW the AUTHOR! Continue on sweet sister God is already using you in such a wonderful way.
You are so sweet, Maggie…thank you! Your words are such a blessing today. Have a wonderful week, friend.
ugh! hate hate hate middle school and jr high, high school was better, but those earlier years were the worst, and mean girls?! don’t even get me started. I think even now when I’m venturing into something new I start to feel like the little girl in 8th grade again just trying to find her place.
You are a ray of sunshine in this bloggy world and I’m so thankful for you. Whatever lies ahead, I know those good plans God has for you are going to be even better than you could have ever imagined them to be! Blessings, Friend!
Oh, yes, yes, yes…starting something new is so much like being that girl, isn’t it? I’m so thankful for sisters like you who willingly walk that journey with me.
And thank you so much for your sweet words…I am so thankful that God placed us both on the GSDT. I can’t wait to see what He’s going to keep doing…I think it’s going to be awesome. Blessings back at you, sweet friend! 
I’m not sure what to say, just that i’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. It is NOT okay. I don’t get why girls just do those things, but I’m so glad to see you stronger now! It’s super exciting to hear your book is going to be published, yay Mel!
I think teenage girls will always be a mystery…at least the ones who think it’s ok to be mean. Honestly, I’ve got worse stories, but I haven’t felt that it’s the right time to share those yet. Maybe someday God will use them to help a girl struggling like I did. Thank you for your sweet thoughts, Katie…have a wonderful week! Blessings!
Mel, such bravery here in your words, both then, as you got up from the lunch table, and now, as you are putting your story out there. I look forward to reading that book! I hope the proposal writing goes well!!
Thank you, Amy! I’m so looking forward to the day when I can share it with my GSD sisters! Blessings, friend.
So excited to read your words one day! They matter. Even if it’s only to one person, for that one God can use you to change everything.
Thank you, Kimberly! Blessings, sweet friend.
Mel, Your words blessed me….again…as usual. I am so thankful for Holley and for the link-up and the way God introduces us the way He does. My heart broke for you as I read your very personal story. As it broke, my mind went back to similar situations and rejections and how deeply painful they were to get through. “Forgetting the past” isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do. Especially, since our brains are made to remember, not forget….and the scars and issues that ensue from such deep wounds are constant reminders of the reality. Thank God, He doesn’t reject us, as you so sweetly reminded us today. I appreciate you and your consistent faithfulness to God. You are a real blessing. May God bless you greatly in return! Love, Cheryl
Forgetting is so hard, isn’t it? I’m blessed that while I haven’t forgotten, God has surrounded me with so many blessings that I’d just rather focus on the now than what was. But you’re right…there are scars. I’m so glad He can heal those.
Thank you for being such an encouragement, friend! Blessings!
Mean girls. Ugh. Sometimes they grow up to be mean women:( The good news is that you are absolutely fabulous. I can’t imagine not having met you on this journey! I pray that this dreaming community, and others that God bring into Your life, begin to redeem those painful years. I would love, love , love to read your book, so I am praying that it finds a home quickly:) Did you happen to read Genny’s post this week? It’s about her publishing experience: http://gennyheikka.com/2013/05/a-mom-who-writes-and-why-failure-can-be-sweet.html
Unfortunately, I agree with you on the mean women thing. (It’s why I don’t go to my high school reunions…I just want to live in my happier-now.)
And goodness, my equally-or-even-more-fabulous, friend…I can’t imagine not having YOU on this journey, either. I LOVE how God planned it out. 
And I can’t wait for the day when I can share my book with you! Thank you for the huge blessing you are to me! Love ya, friend!
P.S. Thank you for passing on Genny’s blog post, too.
Rejection is definitely what holds me back — I will not lie. But I am learning to trust God through it all
It’s a hard thing…trusting Him is definitely something I have to choose every day. Thanks for stopping by, Jennifer…blessings!
I’m so glad I got to know you. I experienced those “mean girls” a lot. So blessed to know the “love girls” like you!
And now we can publish our books and enjoy where God takes them… Together as friends. Thanks a million thanks for being a part of my book. My life.
Love-girl,
Heather
Ps – check out my post today… Bloggers and Blood. I featured you.
The link is below in the Pingback. 😉
Oh, thank you, friend! This is my first blog award…you bless me, and I’m so thankful God crossed our paths!