30 Days of Thanks, Day 10: Forget

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I rarely forget things,

and I’ m pretty sure it drives Tobin absolutely crazy.

I remember details about things from a decade ago when he can’t even remember the event.

I sometimes frighten myself with my inability to forget.

Now I’ll be completely honest…becoming a mommy has made me more scatterbrained, but like I said, I still rarely forget things.

I think I attribute that to the fact that I hold on.

To memories, to friendships, to experiences.

Letting go is extremely difficult for me.

That’s kind of a hard thing to admit.

I’m just afraid that if I let go? I won’t remember.

And that means I’ll forget.

Scary.

People told me when Mae was born to savor every second because those moments would be gone so quickly.

It’s hard to believe them when you’re in the thick of something…I was sure I’d never forget a single detail…even if I was overly sleep-deprived and emotionally spent.

So not true.

Now that I’ve emerged from the overwhelmingly, exhausting world of feed, play, sleep, repeat…I don’t remember like I thought

I would. I still remember a lot…but I’ve definitely forgotten some things. Important things…like when her first smile was and when she first rolled over.

The good news about forgetting…that I am thankful for

?

Is that though I may not remember each of those details and little things she did each day, they all add up to make this amazingly wonderful, little girl (who is currently NOT napping like she’s supposed to be…) into who she is.

I love that, even if I forgot some of the details. :)

Sig

30 Days of Thanks, Day 9: Remember

My first memories of her are fuzzy, but I remember that she had the oldest, creepiest house, and I was scared to go up the dark staircase that led to the three bedrooms in which twelve kids had slept.

She had one, seriously long, dining room table, and we’d all crowd around it for dinner. When the crowd had reached its overloaded max, everyone else would spill over to the couches, the rocking chair, the tiny kitchen table…anywhere they could sit.

It was family bonding at its absolute closest.

Literally.

I also remember she always, always…ALWAYS kissed me goodbye.

As a little kid, I wondered why but have come to appreciate that more now.

I didn’t always love going to her house.

Because along with grandma came scores of aunts and uncles and cousins with whom I didn’t mesh. Never have, but we won’t go there today.

But I always knew she loved me.

And I haven’t ever told her that she is one of my heroes.

Left a single mom of twelve at far too young an age, she went back to school, got her nursing degree, and provided for

her family. She volunteered at her church and went on mission trips almost every summer  to the Appalachian Mountains

to help underprivileged families.

She gave everything she had to give…and I never saw her ask for anything

for herself.

And I’ve always admired her for that…and, in a way, hoped I’d grow up to be even half as strong a woman as she has always been.

My grandma turned 91 years old this past September, and today she is lying in a hospital bed, having suffered a heart attack overnight. She is hanging in there, fighting this battle just like any other…with strength and grace. And a lot of stubbornness, too, I’m sure.

Regardless of when I have to say goodbye to her…tomorrow or ten years from now, I’m so thankful that I can take the time to remember

the impact my Grandma A has had on my life.

I’d appreciate your prayers for her, too. Thanks, friends…love you all.

Sig

30 Days of Thanks, Day 8: New

When I think of new, a hundred things come to mind.

New life, new cars, new seasons, new friends, new places…

Tonight, I’m not going to elaborate much…I’m just going to say what I’ m thankful for.

Because that’s just where I am.

I am thankful that my Father can make all things NEW…including my heart, which He is pounding, shaping, molding…and changing.

It’s hard…it’s necessary…and it will be

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Good.

Tonight, I’m thankful that He loves me  enough to not leave me as I am.

Sig

30 Days of Thanks, Day 7: Old

Ok, I’m not old.

Sometimes I joke that I am, especially since yesterday morning, after running that 5k on Saturday, I could barely get out of bed.

Sometimes I look like I am, especially since, at the age of 33, I have the beginnings of crow’s feet and gray hair. Thank you, God, for makeup and a fabulous hair stylist.

When I think of old…I think of things that have lasted a long time.

Like my church, Immanuel Lutheran . It’s been around for 150 years, and I think that’s rich. Th is h

istory, the legacy that place has is phenomenal. We’re thankful and blessed to be part of it.

And like the Volkswagen Beetle. I really? Want a classic.

If I’m lucky…in my lifetime, I may get the new one.

A convertible would be even better… but man, it would be fun to drive the old one.

Can’t you just see me cruisin’ C’ville in a classic, orange Beetle?!

I can. 😀

But I guess when I think of old…I think of people who have been in my life for so long.

My lifelong best friends…Missy and Becky.

Neither of them are old…but our friendship is as old as it can get for the ages we are. :)

Missy came to see me in the hospital the day I was born.

(She was 8 months old.) Becky (her sister)  came along 14 months later.

The three of us grew up together…there are few memories I have of life as a kid that don’t involve them.

As we grew up…we became very, very different people, but we always managed to find that common ground and keep a friendship going despite challenges.

Missy married young. She has a beautiful, amazing family of eight.

Becky married two years later and has three beautiful boys and a pretty great husband. (He was a college friend of mine, so I can say that. :)) I got married the next year, but having Maelie took us awhile, and so there were many, many years when my two best friends had lots of kids, and I didn’t have any.

Missy stayed in Iowa, Becky lived in Michigan and Wisconsin before returning to Iowa this past year, and well…you know my story. 😉 Visits with them for five years were very sporadic and it often felt like eons passed between the times we could catch up.

We managed to stay friends, anyway…I guess because our friendship is just that rock solid.

Life has taken us separate ways, but we always seem to find our way back.

We still laugh at the same things…like (very off-key) singing competitions around their piano…picture three young girls scream-singing at the top of their lungs; games of hide the tape recorder; listening to old tapes of sounds we made and laughing so hard we nearly wet our pants…that’s mostly because I tried to sound like lightening, and well…I never should have done that. They also should have never recorded it!!!

We still remember things, too…like the day Missy almost drowned and how God truly intervened that day. It tears me apart to even think of how my life would have been vastly different without her. Like the years I decided God wasn’t for me…and how they never gave up on me and loved me through some ugly, ugly years. Like singing together on my wedding day…when our voices had grown up and found that thing called pitch.

:)

It’s a beautiful friendship, one that has stood the test of time.

I love these two and the lifetime of memories we hold.

I am so,

so thankful for friendship.

I am so, so thankful for the two sisters I never had.

Miss, Mel, Becky

Sig

30 Days of Thanks, Day 6: Blessings

So  I spend a lo t

of time on my blog counting blessings.

Part of the reason is that

when I take the time to intentionally focus on the happy parts of a day, it just seems like a good one, even if it wasn’t the greatest. By doing this, I’ve actually found that no matter what a day is like, I can always find blessings in it.

I like that.

So I’m just going to continue to count them today…since I have the entire month planned out, this is the only time I’ll get to do this on the blog this month anyway.

:) 5k FINISHED! And I paced in the 10’s…not quite as fast as I was hoping for, but definitely making progress with my pace and endurance. Bring on the marath

on!

(Well…in about 11 months.)

:) Blueberry pancakes that I let myself have after the race.

Yummy…pretty sure I could eat those every day!

:) Songs that make my heart smile.

:) An afternoon at the symphony with my dear friend.

Pretty sure it’s been at least twelve years since I’ve gone to one. It was great!

:) A friend who understands without words.

:) Storytime with Maelie. And extra cuddles.

:) Intentional time to remember losses…even if it’s hard.

:) November…love the holiday season.

:) Hugs.

:) A new week.

Thank you, God, for each blessing You give.

Sig

30 Days of Thanks, Day 5: Storms

I love a good thunderstorm.

In fact, I believe I started a blog post with exactly that same statement a couple weeks ago.

One of my absolute favorite things in the world to do is curl up under a fluffy, warm blanket and take a nap while a huge thunderstorm crashes outside.

I also love a snowstorm, the kind of blizzard that blows with fury and promises at least one snow day…if not more.

True, I’m not a teacher anymore; therefore, snow days have no real merit. And at the same time, knowing that everyone around me is hunkered down, sipping coffee (or cocoa) and watching the white rage outside…it’s comforting. I’m also known to randomly bake cupcakes late at night when there’s a blizzard going…that’s just fun. Plus, cupcakes are really good with coffee and cocoa…and just about anything else.

Ok, sorry…small rabbit trail. 😉

Anyway, I’m definitely thankful for those kind of storms.

But I also know that when I came up with my writing topics for this month, that those kind of storms weren’t really what I had in mind.

Do you mind if I tell you a story?

You see, there’s a golden retriever sleeping on the floor at the foot of my bed as I type this.

His name is Sammy.

And while those of you who know Sammy think of him as a crazy, lovable, lion of a puppy, he h

as so much more to his story.

True, he annoys the c–p out of me almost daily. He barks and wakes up Maelie, he never leaves Andre alone, he destroys stuffed animals, he carries the bathroom rug around the house…and outside.

But for a week, over four years ago, we found out what it was like to live without all of this.

And it’s this storm that I want to tell you about.

Tobin and I had just spent a summer in Indonesia while most of our friends had gone back to the States.

We’d had some good times…and some tough times, and we’d decided, as the school year was just beginning, that we needed to be more disciplined with spending time in God’s Word.

We were waking up early to read and pray…and while those first days took some major discipline and dedication, it was becoming habit. Good habit.

We were growing, something we desperately desired, and it was good.

Not long after we had gotten into this habit, something turned our world upside down.

Sammy was stolen.

Someone, in broad daylight while we were at school, had come to our fence, lured him to the edge of our yard, and taken him.

To say we were devastated only scratches the very surface.

We couldn’t eat. We couldn’t sleep. We couldn’t function at school, though we tried. We couldn’t think of anything but our Sam.

Where was he?

E ach d

ay seemed like a year. We prayed, we drove by the stolen dog markets multiple times a day (yes, they really do exist), we handed out fliers, we offered a huge reward.

And we cried.

I’m an emotional female and tears aren’t so rare for me…but to see my husband break down and sob over the loss of our Sam…was heartbreaking.

We couldn’t understand why God was letting this unbearable storm rage around us.

One afternoon when Sam had been gone a few days, Tobin went down at the police station to file a report.

I was home alone.

The sun was shining, it was the perfect Indonesia September day…

And it was just pouring in my gray, defeated heart.

I felt helpless.

I felt crushed.

We wanted to grow…and we were growing.

There was nothing I could do…nothing.

And it was at that moment that I dropped to my knees…and literally fell on my face before God.

I sobbed…as I poured out my heart.

I cried out to Him and told Him how much I was hurting, how much I missed my Sammy, and then…

How much I still loved Him and trusted His plan.

And I honestly can’t tell you that, as those words came out of my mouth, that they were in my own power.

Because I’m pretty sure they weren’t…but that didn’t make them any less true.

A few more days followed (you’ve heard the rest of the story) before Sammy was returned to us.

I still remember how the sunshine literally returned to our lives that day…how we couldn’t wait to just live again. Of course, we spent a lot of time loving on our dogs…

But we also spent a lot of time basking in the JOY that came after the storm…and giving thanks for blessings. Tobin and I also, I believe, got a little peek at the heart of God…and how He truly does care for His children and the things that matter to each of us.

To say I’m thankful for storms is hard… none of us love when life is hard.

But what comes after the dark is beautiful.

And for that?

I am thankful.

Sig

30 Days of Thanks, Day 4: JOY

If I’m being honest, JOY is about the last topic I want to write about today.

I’m not having a bad day at all.

I’m just tired, I have a headache, and I have to go to bed early so I can get up at 4:30 a.m. to go run my annual (well, becoming that, anyway…) 5k.

At least I’m ready for this one. JOY. Truly…I love knowing that I can do this and not feel like I’m going to completely die at the end!

And waiting for me at the finish line is lots and lots of chocolate. Which is more JOY, even if it will completely undo any good I did my body this week! 😉

I also got to have a lunch date with Tobin and Maelie downtown today.

More JOY. T’ was really, really fun.

Maelie even ate and didn’t throw food.

There’s a ton of JOY right there!

It’s a beautiful fall day…warm enough for a sweater and jeans.

Love days like this.

JOY.

This afternoon I got to hop down (up?…it’s up…I am so directionally challenged) to Firefly and chat with a new friend for a bit. It was nice. JOY.

This morning I put on my JOY necklace…more JOY. No pun intended.

:) I’m not a big jewelry we

arer, though I love to make it.

But this little necklace always makes me smile. I love what it means…and for the sweet reminder it is to find JOY no matter what.

On the way home from downtown, Mae was fighting a nap. She closed her eyes about ten minutes from home, and we were doing everything we could to keep her awake. It was the sweetest thing to see her smile in her sleep when we tickled her toes.

JOY.

Though I didn’t really feel like writing about JOY, it’s something I’m so thankful for.

Thank you, God, for putt ing so much JOY

in my days.

What was JOYful about your day

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Note from Mel: Ok, ok, I concede. This photo thing is killing me…I TOLD you it was my weakness.

😉 How about a few every week?!

Sig

30 Days of Thanks, Day 3: Laughter

I wasn’t a kid who laughed a lot.

I won’t go into reasons for that…that’s just how I was.

People who know me now are probably surprised to learn that…because now?

I laugh. A LOT.

I’m silly. ALMOST TOO OFTEN.

I’m crazy. I’LL TRY ALMOST ANYTHING ONCE.

I love to have a good time.

ALWAYS.

There. Are. So. Many. Things. That. Make. Me. Laugh.

my hubby’s corny jokes.

my daughter’s dizzy-dancing. 

skin-soaking  motorbike  rides.  

puddle jumping.

tickle attacks.

climb-in-bed-with-me, wake-up calls from my girl.

storytelling over coffee.

playing with the size of words... had to throw that in there.  :)

a good game of volleyball.

playing in the leaves.

a run in the rain.

memories from playing Fishbowl in 4th grade.

Even though I wasn’t an easy-laugher as a kid, things have changed.

I’m so thankful I’ve found my laugh.

What about you

? What makes you laugh

?

There’s no picture today. There is? A video that will most definitely bring a smile to your face.

However, my hubby’s not feeling the greatest, it’s late, and it will take too long to upload to the blog.

So I’ll post it tomorrow. :)

Sig

30 Days of Thanks, Day 2: Love

I woke up that

morning at the last possible second, knowing full well that my days of sleeping in were officially over.

I showered, did my hair and makeup, brushed my teeth, grabbed my hospital bag, said goodbye to the dogs, and we headed out the door.

We checked in, and after some preliminary paperwork and an I.V., I just laid there in that hospital bed, th

inking.

What will she look like?

What will her cry sound like

?

Will she have hair?

Will she love me

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About an hour later they wheeled me into the OR and prepped me for surgery. I was so nervous…and at the same time, so filled with joy at the thought of meet ing me daughter

in just a few m

inutes.

It was an easy surgery…well, as far as C-sections go. There was some tugging and pulling…and then I heard her.

That cry…so. beautiful.

They held her up above the screen so I could see her…she was covered with white goop and screaming her tiny lungs out… and my heart was so full, I thought it would burst.

They cleaned her up and brought

her to me. You can’t tell in the picture, but once she was next to me, I cried.

I was so completely in Love.

So this is what it feels like.

I’ve been blessed to love and be loved many times in my life…but when I saw the topic I chose for myself :) tonight, I knew what I wanted to write about.

For so many years, I wondered if I’d get to find out what a mommy’s love is like.

I’m so thankful that I did.

And I’m thankful, even more, that the love I have for my daughter only grows.

I thought I loved her as much as possible the moment she was born, but each day it seems that I love her a little bit more.

I guess love is just like that.

Sig

30 Days of Thanks, Day 1: Life

All around me…is life.

Almost daily I am up before 6:30 to go f or my m

orning run or my daily torture, as I sometimes call it. Just getting myself to put one foot in front of the ot her

is often a challenge…but once I am off and running, it’ s impo

ssible to ignore the life around me. On weekends there is less traffic, and it’s easier for me actually see the life surrounding me…in the changing leaves, the fog that hovers over the ground, the deer I often see as I run the last stretch of Carpenter Park.

On the other days, I experience life in a whole different way…in the form of

the hustle and bustle of rushed mornings. As I run, I pass countless cars driven by people in their usual morning hurry, chatting on their phones, sending that illegal-while-driving text, touching up make-up.

It’s all part of life.

I’ll get home and shower, and the rest of my day is filled with a different kind of life…the amazing, wonder-filled world of a sixteen month-old.

Oh, How. She. Lives.

Life, to her, is exploring every nook and cranny of her surroundings…of finding joy in the simplest things and giggling gleefully in a sound that is just perfect.

To her, life is being…completely…and it is beautiful.

I am blessed to have these days with her.

..to live them with her.

While most of my day is consumed with my girl, I live in other ways, too…by being a wife, a friend, a puller of espresso shots…and most importantly,  a follower of my F

ather.

It is in each of these things that I find Life…purpose, being, existence.

And in all of this life around me, the Life I am most thankful for comes through my Father’s Love…the Life that came in the form of a tiny baby so many years ago.

It is through the Life of my Savior, Jesus Christ…and his death…that I may Live, too.

Not just here on earth, but in heaven someday…for eternity.

Praying that each of you have found that Life  for which I am so thankful today.

Sig