There are few moments…few…in the life of this extrovert when space is needed.
Yep, I’m mostly being serious.
I thrive from time spent with friends, my family…and it’s possible I thrive equally on caffeine, too. (Just keepin’ it real today, friends. ;))
That’s why I surprised myself last week.
Or, maybe it wasn’t really a surprise. That much, anyway. I’d seen it coming for awhile.
You see…this space has been going for almost three years. Yep, that’s a long time for Mel to stick to anything. I wrote a lot more during the first two years, but I’ve been posting at least twice, sometimes three times, a week since I started my blog.
And it’s slowly taken it’s toll.
Not always in a bad way, but I was exhausted. Emotional. Potentially starting to detest the idea of sitting down to splash out words from a tired heart that didn’t want the gift of words anymore.
But we can’t always throw away our gifts, can we? And, to be honest, I didn’t really want to.
And so I took a break. As in, I replied to the comments from last Tuesday, and I broke for a week.
That was not an easy thing for me to do.
My online community…where many of my sweet sisters and friends dwell…they were thriving and sharing life, and everything in me wanted to glue myself back together, take back my words, and rejoin them to tweet and pin and insta-whatever…just be a present part of their lives.
But I didn’t.
And instead, I embraced this.
It’s one I used to detest.
Going on and on with not a whole lot more than solitude and creepy woods, it used to bore me to tears. (Not really…no actual tears involved. Just sweat running over my eyes, but that’s kind of the same thing, right?!) 😉
Last week I pounded out over 22 miles on this path.
Part of that is because I somehow got myself signed up for a 10k that involves a lot of running and a lot of hills and, therefore, I need to train my body to go further than 3.1 miles.
But I don’t think that’s the only reason I ran it over and over.
Do you ever have those weeks, friends?
The kind when you question everything?
I’d like to say that I spent this time in prayer…in praising God for His amazing creation. In thanking Him for giving me the physical ability to actually run multiple miles without (mostly) feeling like I’m going to die. In lifting up friends and those I love who are hurting.
Sadly, I think I spent more of my time arguing with Him…telling Him how I thought things should be.
How this writing thing should be easier and the words should just be flowing…it shouldn’t be this hard.
How relationships should be a lot less complicated, too…why can’t we just get along all the time?
And telling Him that I think now (or, at least nine months from now) is the perfect time for us to have another baby…and why doesn’t He think so, too?!
There was a lot more than that, I’m sure. (And so you all aren’t disappointed, I did still sing along sometimes.) 😉
But in the middle of it, even after unleashing that much frustration…I still heard Him.
Breathe. Just Breathe.
I’ve got this.
Friends, I struggle every day.
I struggle to accept the fact that He truly does have it all.
Because I have a plan in my head that seems *so perfect*…and I forget that my plans should be His and surrendered and taken out of my fully-open palms and placed into His.
Oh, how hard that is to do.
This is the path where I told Him all of that as my feet pounded and the tears mixed with sweat and the words
played over and over.
That time for me and my heart and Him.
And now I’m back.
I’m not sure what’s different yet, but something is.
Because He’s Good and He hears the hearts of His children.
On Tuesdays, I link up with my friend, Crystal, at her space for Behind the Scenes.
Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.
“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.
If you have some time, feel free to stop by for some great stories of the fun and funny, the sad, the joyful…all of those things that happen behind the camera lens. I hope you’ll join us!