That morning back in February of 2009, when we went in to find out the gender of our baby, my blood pressure skyrocketed so much that the nurse was worried about me. I had to try to explain to her, in Indonesian no less (and that was never very good), that my blood pressure was Just. Fine. and I was actually, possibly, and just really more nervous than I’d probably been in the HIS.TO.RY. of EV.ER.
Only a few people knew how deeply I longed for a baby girl, and that morning, that wish took over my heart. And, clearly, my bp as well. 😉 I would have loved a boy (and I certainly love the boy I now have with all my being) but there was something about the dream of a daughter…it had been there my whole life.
And so, when she said, It looks like a girl! I did two things. First, I whispered, Hi, Maelie! as the happiest tear slipped down my cheek.
And second, I didn’t believe her.
In fact, it took FOUR (yes, you read that right) ultrasounds, all with the same gender results, for me to believe that we were absolutely having a baby girl.
Really, she was a deep dream come true…one I’m not sure I believed God would give me. But He did…and I’m so incredibly thankful.
She burst into the world over eight years ago, changing us and a lot of others around her, too. She made me a mama and she has multiplied the love in our lives so, so many times over.
We are blessed.
And I don’t always gush over the beginning of a new school year anymore, at least in this space, but last week I sent her off to 3rd grade. And for some reason, my heart is still figuring out what all of that means.
She has just six years before high school and ten before she flits and flies off to spread her wings and chase her dreams. And while some days those years feel like a lot, they aren’t. Not really. Not when we think about how fast the first eight have gone.
This summer has been a turning point for her, and all of us, I suppose. We’ve seen a bigger shift in independence and probably a few more head-butts, too. 😉 She’s making her way just like they’re all supposed to do, and I’ve had to sit back some days, breathe deeply, cringe occasionally, remember to pray, and let her be who she is.
Because who she is? Is beautiful.
Sometimes the age of eight is a challenge, but I caught myself watching her play in the yard the other day and that familiar lump found my throat and I had to take a deep breath to fight back the tears.
It’s true that when we let Him, He makes our children into exactly who they’re supposed to be.
She’s quirky and funny, she’s got a big heart and equally big emotions, and her also-big eyes still melt me every time. She cares about everyone and everything, even bugs (well, certain ones) and some days it can be a struggle to teach her to let go of the things she needs to in order to move forward.
And maybe that’s the lesson she’s teaching me in this season.
A couple months ago she and Mac were playing in the front room, and she saw a turtle out the window, trying to cross the road. She jumped up and insisted that we run outside and help it before a car ran over it. My hubby obliged, and she followed him, stopping traffic (really) to make sure that her new turtle friend was safe and sound in the neighbors’ hostas before she’d even agree to think about walking back home.
But as she went, she wept. Wailed could potentially be an appropriate descriptor. She didn’t want to say goodbye.
And I’m not gonna lie…I sorta feel like that as we are turning the page to a new chapter. I want to hang on and remember every single thing about my eight year-old, to stop time and freeze us just as we are. It’s sweet, most days anyway, and I know what to expect. I feel like I’m figuring out the Mae I have now. And while I know life doesn’t work like that and that we’ll love 3rd grade just like we’ve loved all the other stages, it’s still bittersweet.
There will be more growing and changing, and I absolutely believe that God will keep growing her into a girl who’s kind, loving (more than she already is) even if there are bumps along the way. I have faith that He will give her what she needs to follow Him and be a light for Him every single day.
I pray a verse over my family every day, and in my heart, it’s become our family theme. We aren’t perfect, but we are His and doing our best to follow Him on the easy days and the tough ones, in the seasons when the road stretches out in a straight path and in the ones, too, when it winds so much we can’t see much ahead of where our feet are traveling.
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience… And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Colossians 3:12, 14 (ESV)
And I guess that’s my prayer for her, too, today…words I want her to hang on to when she doesn’t know what to do, how to be, or who to be either.
May she always know she’s loved, chosen and His. Forever. And may she share that love with everyone else, too.
My Maelie girl,
I probably say this every year, but I can’t believe we’re here. Another year, another stage, many more milestones to come. It truly flies, this time thing, and while I want to hang on to your sweet hand with all I have, more than that, I want to see you fly. And so I’ll release my grip just a tad more in this season and let you do your thing. As you go off to the wonderful world of 3rd grade (which was one of my favorites!) know that we are always loving you, always cheering for you, and always here for you. May you choose, each day, to put on a compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness, patience…and above all of those things, LOVE. Love for your Father, love for your family and friends, and love for those who come into your life…because if you show love, it will change people. And God will use it to change you.
We pray that you will seek to follow Him with all you have for all your days.
Go and fly. I’ll be waiting with the biggest hug every day after school. 😉
Love, Mama
Great verse and beautiful thoughts!